Broken Road
by BrunetteWeasley13
Summary: Jimmy doesn't understand why Alfred always fusses over Ivy. She's just a girl. Jimmy also can't control his mind from thinking about Mr. Barrow at odd times throughout the day. Of course, they are friends now, and Jimmy's never really had a friend before so he just doesn't know what it's supposed to be like, right? Thommy set a few months after the Christmas special.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: So here we go: My first slash story. I'll try to be quick with updates. I think I've got the story mostly worked out, but I am open for suggestions. The perspective will be alternating each chapter. Jimmy/Thomas/Jimmy/Thomas, etc. As always, thanks for reading.

**Chapter One**: In which, Ivy can't escape Alfred, and Jimmy can't escape Ivy.

Jimmy, Ivy and Alfred sat on the grass, leaned against a wall outside Downton's kitchen. "Come on, Ivy," Alfred practically whined. "We rarely have the same day off. Are you sure you won't walk to town with me?"

"No, Alfred. I already told you—I have mending to do that day," Ivy explained, exasperated.

"But that won't take you all day, will it?" he persisted. Ivy shot him a pointed look.

"Why don't you ask Daisy to go with you. I am sure _she _would love to go with you, but _I _will be busy," she said. Alfred huffed in response and drug himself to his feet. _Sweet Jesus, _Jimmy thought_, quit making such a fool of yourself. She's just a girl._

"I guess I'll just go by myself then," he growled before shuffling inside. Ivy sighed.

"Poor Alfred. He's nice, but…"

"But he's not me," Jimmy responded with a mischievous grin. Ivy swatted his shoulder. "Calm down. He'll find someone eventually," Jimmy hurried to say to save himself from another swat.

"But what if he doesn't? What if he ends up like Mr. Barrow?" Ivy asked in an exaggerated whisper. Jimmy laughed.

"Oh, I don't think there is much trouble of that!" Jimmy snorted again.

"Stop it. I'm being serious. Mr. Barrow is very handsome and done well for himself. If he can't find a wife, then I don't think there is much hope for Alfred. Why are you still laughing?" Ivy said losing her patience.

"I'm sorry, Ivy," Jimmy manage to respond while attempting to catch his breath. "I'm not laughing at you or Alfred, but really you don't have to worry. Alfred won't wind up like Mr. Barrow."

"How do you know that?" Ivy persisted crossing her arms.

"I just doubt that Alfred will start liking men that's all, especially not after seeing the way he chases after you."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh come off it! You have to know Alfred would kill to be your sweetheart."

"No not that. I don't know what you mean about liking men," Ivy said scrunching up her eyebrows. Jimmy looked at her stunned for a moment. _Really? She doesn't know?_

"The reason Mr. Barrow doesn't have a wife is that he doesn't want a wife," Jimmy said slowly.

"Doesn't want a wife? Why wouldn't he want a wife?"

"'Cos he likes men." _Good lord, are we going to talk in circles all day?_

"What do you mean Mr. Barrow likes men? Of course he does. He is one, isn't he?" Ivy laughed, still obviously confused. Jimmy sighed.

"I guess the best way to explain it is that Mr. Barrow likes men the way Alfred likes you," he attempted.

"But, you said Alfred fancied me…," Ivy said slowly still not quite comprehending. Jimmy tried to think of something else to say. _Jesus, this girl is daft_. Before he could put the words together, Ivy's eyes grew wide with understanding. "Oh!" She gasped. "How… how do you know?"

"He kissed me! But, Alfred came in and stopped it all," he explained, astounded that everyone in the house didn't already know, but then again, Mrs. Patmore kept her kitchen maids close under her wing. "Eh, don't tell anyone I told you that," Jimmy said rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. He pushed himself into a standing position and pulled a still dumbfounded Ivy to her feet. "Come on we better get inside before someone notices we are missing."

…..

As Jimmy went about his duties the rest of the day, he couldn't help but feel a bit bad for telling Ivy about Thomas. Since the whole fair incident a few months back, Jimmy really was trying to be his friend and talking about him to Ivy didn't seem like something a friend would do. _Of course, I don't know much about what friends do and don't do, do I? Never really had much time or tolerance for friends._ He really had just assumed she knew. He didn't mean to tell. It just kind of happened. _Stop feeling so guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. Everybody downstairs gossips._

Jimmy tried to push the thoughts away as he helped Carson set the table for dinner. If he was being honest, he did enjoy Thomas's company. He was much cleverer than Alfred. They could actually talk about things—the news, books, pomade, and other important things. Alfred really only wanted to talk about Ivy. Jimmy almost rolled his eyes at his own inner monologue. _Just because I'm handsome doesn't mean I'm not intelligent._

"James, could you please focus your attention on the task at hand," Carson barked. "There is no need for an additional place setting unless you know of a guest of which I have not been made aware."

"No. Sorry, Mr. Carson," Jimmy responded collecting the last few pieces he put on the table.

As he made his way back downstairs to put away the extra cutlery, he cursed Carson silently to himself. He almost ran straight into someone coming up the stairs.

"Easy, James," Thomas said catching Jimmy's arm as he nearly tumbled down the last flight. Once Jimmy regained his balance, Thomas snatched his hand back quickly as if he had been burned. Jimmy noticed a slight flush even cross his pale face. Thomas touching him didn't make Jimmy uncomfortable. However, it did annoy him a bit that even after all this time Thomas was still afraid Jimmy would go running to the police if he even looked at him sideways. "Sorry 'bout that," Thomas mumbled, dropping his gaze, which annoyed Jimmy further.

"You know you can call me Jimmy if you like," he answered with a slightly exasperated breath. Thomas looked up at him slowly. Jimmy couldn't tell if he was angry, upset, or confused. "You know 'cos we're trying to be friends now," Jimmy rushed to explain.

"Alright, Jimmy," Thomas amended before brushing past him and hurrying upstairs.

As Jimmy continued on to the kitchen to collect the first dish to be sent up, he couldn't get the image of the flush on Thomas's cheeks out of his mind. It was so vivid against his creamy skin. It stood out more than Ivy's ridiculous rouge. _It looked much nicer, too. _As Jimmy took a tray from Daisy, he shook his head to clear his mind.

"Are you feeling alright?" Daisy asked.

"I'm fine. Fine," he responded turning to take the tray upstairs. _What's wrong with me? I must be in need of a good night's sleep. I'm starting to think ridiculous things. _

…..

After the family's dinner, Jimmy stepped outside to get some fresh air and hopefully, to clear his mind. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes taking a deep breath. He could smell the smoke coming from the kitchen with a hint of spices. He hoped the spices were from his dinner and weren't just lingering from the upstairs food. _What I wouldn't give for some of me mum's old cooking or anything other than stew…_

"Jimmy," a tentative voice called. Jimmy peeked out from under his lashes to see Ivy leaning against the wall next to him. He opened his eyes all the way.

"Yes?"

"So you remember how I told Alfred I had mending to do so I couldn't walk to town with him?"

"Yes." _That was just this morning. _

"Well, I was lying," Ivy said with a sly, little smile.

"I assumed you were," Jimmy answered. _Anyone with half a brain would know you were lying. I guess that's why Alfred couldn't figure it out._

"Well do you know why I said it?" Ivy pressed.

"'Cos you didn't want to go with Alfred," Jimmy guessed. _What is she getting at?_

"Partially, yes. But, also because I would rather you walked me to town," Ivy said blushing furiously.

"Oh, er, I don't have the same day off as you," Jimmy managed. 

"Couldn't you ask for the same one, or at least the morning? I am sure if you were back by dinner, Mr. Carson wouldn't mind," Ivy begged, sounding too reminiscent of Alfred for Jimmy's liking.

"Sorry, Ivy. I don't think I can," Jimmy replied. He tried to keep the harshness out of his voice, but he wanted to get his point across. Thinking the conversation was finally over, Jimmy made a move to go back inside, but Ivy stepped in front of him. _What the hell?_

"Are… are you… are you like Mr. Barrow?" she whispered.

"What? What on earth gave you that idea?" Jimmy snapped.

"When you told me about him kissing you, all you said was that Alfred came in and stopped it. You didn't say what you would have done. Well, what you would have done if Alfred hadn't come in?" Ivy demanded, hands on her hips.

"I would have pushed him bloody well off me," Jimmy stammered. "Jesus, Ivy, just because I don't fancy you doesn't mean I don't fancy women at all."

"That's not what I meant," Ivy responded looking like a cat about to pounce.

"Well, that's bloody well what it sounded like!" Jimmy shouted before ducking past her to escape inside the servants' hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: In which, Thomas acquires a new smoking partner.

Thomas sat at the table in the servants' hall going over some wine orders before dinner when Jimmy burst in from outside looking down right angry. _Haven't seen him that out of sorts since, eh, better not to think about that. _Thomas returned his attention to the papers in front of him, but he continued to watch Jimmy in his peripheral vision. Jimmy slumped into a chair next to Alfred at the end of the table. Thomas couldn't stop himself from listening in on their conversation. _He's making no effort to keep his voice down, and he's in the middle of the servants' hall. It's not like I'm eavesdropping. And, it's like he said earlier. We are trying to be friends._

"I don't know what you see in Ivy, Alfred. She's mad that one," Jimmy remarked.

"Don't talk about Ivy like that," Alfred jumped to defend the kitchen maid. Thomas had to work very hard not to laugh. _Alfred defender of the kitchen maids. How valiant._

"I'll talk about her however I want, especially when she's accusing me of things."

"Accusing you of what? What have you done?"

"I haven't done anything. Never mind," Jimmy, grumbled crossing his arms over his chest and looking particularly pouty. _Those lips. I could wipe the pout right off them. Get a grip, Thomas. You've already been down that road, you idiot. _

Thankfully, before Thomas could continue mentally scolding himself down the slippery slope of self-hatred, Daisy and Ivy started bringing in their dinner. Thomas noticed that Ivy looked a little red in the face herself. She shot a nasty look in Jimmy's direction. _Doesn't look like she needs Alfred to defend her, not with a scowl like that._

Dinner was uneventful. As usual Thomas chose to mostly listen to the conversation, unless someone said something stupid then he had to point it out with his own witty remark. _ I swear I'm the only sane one here._

When dinner was over, Thomas pushed back his chair and headed toward the door.

"Are you going to smoke?" Jimmy called after him, the sound of his voice making Thomas freeze in his tracks.

"Yes," he answered without turning around. Half of him desperately wanted Jimmy to follow him. The other half wasn't sure he could bear it.

"I'm coming with you." Thomas continued out the door feeling Jimmy's presence right behind him. _He will be the death of me._

Once outside, Thomas noticed Jimmy shiver slightly in the cold. He'd left his footman jacket on the back of his chair. Carson would be furious if he found it. For an insane moment, Thomas considered offering him his coat, but he dismissed the idea quickly. _Watch yourself._

"Just thought you could use some company. You don't have anyone to smoke with since O'Brien left," Jimmy explained as Thomas fished in his pockets for a cigarette.

"Haven't had anyone to smoke with way before she left. Are you considering picking up the habit?" Thomas produced a cigarette and his lighter holding them both up to his lips.

"No, but I can stand out here with you, can't I?"

"If you want to freeze to death," he retorted, stuffing his lighter away.

"I'll be fine. Promise," Jimmy said with a smile, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet to stay warm. _Good lord, that smile. _

"What did you do to make Ivy so mad?" Thomas said with a smirk. He expected Jimmy's explanation to be amusing, but instead Jimmy brushed the questions aside.

"I didn't do anything," Jimmy said, looking away from Thomas. _Well, now I'm intrigued. Maybe I can get Daisy to tell me. I'm sure Ivy won't keep quiet about it, especially if he's turned her down. _

"I've finished that book you gave me, the one about Oz_,_" Jimmy offered to start the conversation again.

"How'd you like it?"

"It's a bit silly, itn't it? Americans. A little too fanciful for me."

"I thought it was lovely," Thomas said before letting out a stream of smoke. "I guess it's nice to imagine there's another world somewhere, where things are different."

"I suppose," Jimmy said slowly, both men watching the smoke from the cigarette curl upward, disappearing into the night.

As Thomas brought his cigarette back to his lips, he could have sworn he saw Jimmy watching his movements. If he didn't know better, Thomas would have said Jimmy's eyes even lingered on his lips. Even though he did know better, he felt his heart swell slightly. _You've already read the signs wrong once._

Before Thomas could think of something to say, Jimmy spoke again. "I'm going to go on to bed. It's been a long day." Jimmy was gone before Thomas could even say goodnight.

…..

After a second smoke, Thomas went back inside. Everyone had gone up for the evening. Jimmy's jacket still lay draped across the back of a chair. Thomas picked it up gently and took it to the livery closet. After placing the hanger with the jacket on the rack, Thomas let his fingers linger on the sleeve. _Hopefully, Jimmy will think to look here in the morning before he tells everyone he's lost it. Just don't want him getting an earful. _

Thomas blew out the last oil lamp left on the table. Mrs. Hughes must have left it just for him. They were always the last two to turn in, and she probably saw him sneak away to smoke. Thomas felt a strange rush of sentimentality for the head housekeeper. _Wouldn't even still be here if it wasn't for her and of course Bates, the martyr._

As annoying as he found it, Thomas had starting to begrudgingly appreciate Bates' self-righteousness. _I guess if I can change my mind about Bates, I should be able to believe that Jimmy really does want to be my friend. I thought he just felt guilty after the fair. Of course who would actually want to be your friend after all the shit you've pulled? I wouldn't blame the lot of them for hating me._

Lost in thought, Thomas was surprised to find he had reached his bedroom. He slipped inside shutting the door softly behind him. Now all he had were his tormented thoughts to keep him company until morning, like every night.

**Author's Note:** Hope you think I did Thomas justice. He's a lot harder to write than Jimmy. Should update again tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: In which, Jimmy makes a nighttime visit to Thomas's room.

Hours later Jimmy lay sleepless on his bed. He felt exhausted, but for some reason sleep would not come.

_What's the matter with you, Jimmy? Staring at him like that. You're going to give him the wrong idea, and you don't want that again, do you? Do I? _Jimmy sighed. Even though the sound came from his own mouth, it startled him slightly. At this rate, he was never going to get to sleep, and this certainly wasn't helping clear his head of all the rogue thoughts.

Jimmy rolled over on his thin mattress and heard something fall to the floor with a thud. He sat up and peered into the dark. He was able to make out a square on the floor beside his bed. He leaned forward in bed stretching like a cat to reach the object. _Damn, probably would have been easier to just get up. Almost there…_

Jimmy's fingertips reached the object, and he picked it up—a book. He held it up to his face and squinted. He could just make out the title,_ The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_. _Thomas's book._ _I need to remember to give this back. _Jimmy gripped it in his hands. The cover gave way slightly, and he loosened his grip._ I could just take it to him now, I suppose. What? It's the middle of the night. You can't just go knocking on his door, waking up the whole house. What's the matter with you? _

Placing the book on the nightstand, Jimmy fluffed his pillow and settled back down into the sheets. Lying on his side, he could easily make out the silhouette of the book. He stared at it for a few moments. It felt as if the tornado in the book had somehow jumped into his chest. He tried to even his breathing, to force himself to sleep. He tried counting down from one hundred. He tried counting back up to one hundred.

_Damn it all to hell. _Jimmy groaned as he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The wood floor was cold against his bare feet. He grabbed the book and tiptoed into the hall. He knocked softly on Thomas's door and pressed his ear to the wood. No sound. He knocked again as loudly as he dared. He pressed his ear to the door again. Still nothing. Just has he reached for the handle, it turned, and the door opened.

Thomas leaned against the frame. His eyes were barely open. One of his pajama legs was pushed up around his knee. His hair stuck up in odd places, and some pieces fell across his forehead. _He looks so much younger like that. _

"What is it?" he asked with a yawn, rubbing his eyes. Then he froze. Upon realizing it was Jimmy in the doorway, Thomas's eyes flew open. He pushed himself off the door frame, standing up straighter. His hand moved to his hair, brushing it back. 

"Is something wrong?" he asked in a much more alert voice. Jimmy could hear the concern in his voice, and it made him squirm slightly. _This was a stupid idea. Now, you've worried him._

"No, no," Jimmy rushed to say. He thrust the book toward Thomas. "I just realized I still had this, and I thought I would go ahead and well, give it back." Thomas stared at the book in his hand.

"In the middle of the night?" Thomas asked, slowly taking the book from Jimmy. He only touched the very edge of the book, purposely not letting their fingers touch.

"I don't know. Thought you might need it or something." Jimmy rubbed his hand along the back of neck. He could feel his face start to heat, and he was glad it was too dark for Thomas to see him blush.

"It's a book… I've already read," he answered. Jimmy noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual glove on his left hand. Jimmy stared at the scared skin. It was oddly mesmerizing. A part of him wanted to touch it to see if it felt as rough as it looked. Thomas shifted his hand behind his back. Jimmy felt his face flame again. _You're a rude little bugger, aren't you?_ He cleared his throat.

"Yes, you never know. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing," he replied, lamely.

"Sleeping," Thomas said.

"Right. Goodnight then," Jimmy whipped around to leave. He had to control himself not to sprint back to his room. _No use in waking everyone else up and letting them see what a fool you are as well._

"Oh, and Jimmy," Thomas called. Jimmy turned back around quickly hoping for something, but he wasn't quite sure what. "You left your jacket in the hall. I put it in the livery closet. You'll need it in the morning."

"Thanks," Jimmy managed, swallowing his disappointment before returning to his own room. _You are such an idiot!_

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the short chapter. It's really only this short because I want to keep the chapters separated by perspective. I hope you are still enjoying. And, don't worry. There is smut to come. I just don't want to rush things too much.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: In which, Thomas questions Daisy, and Jimmy questions Thomas.

When Thomas woke up the next day, he found the returned book on his dresser. _Jesus, I thought I was dreaming. What was all that about? _Thomas dressed for the day and made his way downstairs. He went to the kitchen to find some breakfast. Daisy was the only one in the kitchen. She was at the sink washing dishes.

"Morning, Daisy. Where's Mrs. Patmore and Ivy?"

"Mrs. Patmore's with Mr. Carson finishing up a food order. Ivy's upstairs sweeping the fireplaces. There's breakfast on the table in the hall, if that's what you're lookin' for," she answered.

"I am, but actually now I think of it, I have a question for you," Thomas said crossing the kitchen to lean against the counter next to Daisy.

"Well, what is it? I've got about a million pots to scrub or Mrs. Patmore will throw me out on me ear," she responded, not looking up from her task.

"What had Ivy so upset last night?" Thomas asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"She asked Jimmy to go to town with her, and he turned her down," Daisy answered. She was trying to keep her voice neutral, but Thomas could hear the smile lurking underneath. _She's feistier than she looks._

"You seem pretty happy about it," Thomas replied.

Daisy grinned, but said, "What makes you say that? I couldn't care either way."

"Oh no, of course not," Thomas said. Daisy sat down the pot she was scrubbing and looked up at him. Catching his smile, Daisy's brow furrowed slightly and her grin turned into a frown. She picked up a new item to wash.

"You seem happy about it, too" Daisy said with a bit of malice. "I should have known you'd be after Ivy as well. Since, she's just so perfect." Daisy scrubbed the pan so roughly, Thomas was afraid she'd punch her hand right thought the metal.

"Daisy, I'm not after Ivy," he said holding up his hands in surrender in case she chose to come after him with her sponge. _If only she knew…_"And, for what it's worth, I think Alfred's a right git for not asking you out with him."

"I never said anything about Alfred," Daisy squeaked dropping the final frying pan she had moved on to in the sink. She scrambled to retrieve it.

"No, you didn't, but I'm just telling you what I think," Thomas explained as he exited the kitchen.

In the hall he ran into Mrs. Hughes, who sported a smug smile. "I heard what you said to Daisy," she said.

"And?"

"And who knew Thomas Barrow could be so comforting?" she teased.

"I'm not sure what you are talking about," he answered. When she raised an eyebrow in response, he added, "But, I suspect you did." _Comforting? I must be losing my edge._ _There must be something to be kind. I always wondered why people did it. Guess it's not so bad._ Try as he might, Thomas couldn't keep a smile from playing at his lips.

…..

After dinner, Thomas settled down in the servant's hall with the newspaper and a smoke. He hadn't found a minute in his day to read it. People were still bustling around. Anna and Bates said their goodbyes before retiring to their cottage. Mosley and Alfred discussed a cricket tournament going on in London. Daisy and Ivy cleared the table. Jimmy played with a deck of cards setting up a game of solitaire. Thomas tuned them all out becoming engrossed in his reading.

"Can I ask you something?" Jimmy asked. Somehow Jimmy's voice pulled him from the printed words. Thomas glanced around and saw that they were the last two left in the hall. He could still hear Mrs. Patmore and the kitchen maids bustling about in the kitchen, but for all intents and purposes, they were alone. _Second time in two days. Oh wait, make that three if you count the book incident. What is going on?_

Thomas lowered the newspaper slowly. From the tone of Jimmy's voice he doubted that the question was something simple like where is the extra silver polish. Curiosity won him over. "Yes," he finally replied.

"How did you find out you fancied men?"

"I don't think that is an appropriate question," Thomas snapped. Even though it was Jimmy, he couldn't keep the venom out of his voice. He would not be mocked. No matter their past he was the under butler at Downton and Jimmy was just a footman. _Is he trying to drive me mad? _

"I'm sorry, Mr. Barrow. I was just curious. I didn't mean nothin' by it," he stammered looking down at his hands.

Thomas could tell he was serious, mainly by his professional inclusion of "Mr. Barrow." He really hadn't meant to rile him up or insult him.

"I didn't 'find out' I fancied men. I just always did," he answered. When Jimmy didn't ask another question but also didn't make any move to leave, Thomas decided to tell him more. _Might as well risk it. Things have been weird recently regardless. He started this damned conversation, and everyone else is in bed. _

"If I had to pick the time I put it all together, it would be when I was working my first job—It was a big house, even bigger than Downton. I was the lowest of three footmen, really should have been a hall boy considering how young I was. There was a girl in the kitchen that all the blokes were after, much like Ivy." Thomas looked to gage Jimmy's reaction, but he just continued to look at him, waiting for more. "I didn't see what the big fuss was. She was nice enough, I guess. I knew she was attractive, but I never felt anything for her. When I was alone, I never thought about the kitchen girl. I usually caught myself thinking about the chauffer instead." Thomas smiled a little then frowned. "But I can tell you he never thought twice about me. I'm actually not even sure he knew who I was."

Jimmy looked thoughtful, but he didn't ask any more questions. He looked back down at the game of solitaire he'd yet to finish. Thomas went back to his newspaper. After a moment of trying and failing to read more, he folded it and placed it on the table. "Would you like to read it?" he offered to Jimmy, stifling a yawn. Jimmy took the paper from him and placed it beside his cards. Thomas pushed back his chair and stood to leave.

"Are you already going up for the night?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes. Someone woke me up in the middle of a good sleep last night," Thomas remarked. Jimmy balked. _Really though I would let you off without saying anything? _Thomas laughed to himself as he climbed the stairs.

**Author's Note:** Thank you to all my lovely followers. You are awesome!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: In which, Jimmy is unsure of himself and other things.

As Jimmy sat alone at the table struggling over his game of solitaire, he realized something in Thomas's voice unsettled him. When he talked about the chauffer, it wasn't in a lustful way. It wasn't in the way all the hall boys talked and joked about Ivy. It sounded more like the way Alfred talked about Ivy. Was it possible Thomas loved men, too?

Jimmy couldn't get the question out of his mind. Even the next day as he waited with Alfred to take food up for dinner, he kept turning it over in his mind. _Surely not. That's just right. I don't blame some for wanting to get their jollies of with other men, especially not after that conversation with Ivy the other day. Women can be downright mad. Maybe his sort is smarter than the rest of us. They avoid the lot of that stuff. _Jimmy chuckled slightly.

"What's so funny?" Alfred asked, eyeing Jimmy suspiciously.

"Nothing that concerns you," Jimmy retorted.

"I was only asking," Alfred grumbled, as Mrs. Patmore called them into the kitchen to collect the trays.

"What are you two doing just sulking in the hall? At this rate the family won't eat until midnight!" she scolded.

"It's only eight o'clock now," Jimmy said. Mrs. Patmore batted him with her oven mit.

"I won't be talking any cheek from you. Now get going," she barked. Jimmy heard Alfred snigger beside him.

"You heard her. Get going," Jimmy snapped picking up a tray and brushing past Alfred. _Teach him to laugh at me. I'm first footman, no mistake._

…..

Since the next day was a Sunday, the staff dinner was much more relaxed than usual. It was always Jimmy's favorite night. Even Carson relaxed some. _If you can call letting people have the tiniest bit of fun after slaving away relaxing…_People mingled to talk and catch up after a busy week. The hall boys took a cricket ball out side to play catch. Jimmy even played some on the piano. Thomas pulled Daisy away from Mrs. Patmore long enough for a dance. Jimmy watched them in his peripheral vision. _Thomas really can dance. I wonder what it would be like to dance with him, an equal partner. What are you thinking? You can't dance with a man. I swear you're going batty._ Jimmy willfully turned all his attention back to the music.

The whole evening was very pleasant, until Ivy burst through the room wiping her eyes. She dashed off to the shelter of the kitchen. Alfred came in after her, his face as red as his hair. He turned toward Jimmy who abruptly stopped playing. The silence that followed hung suspended in the air. Everyone stopped to look at Alfred who stalked across the room to Jimmy.

"I need to talk with you," he huffed. _What is the big oaf carrying on about? What's happened? It obviously involves Ivy so it can't be anything good. _"Outside," Alfred amended, as he seemed to notice the audience for the first time.

Unable to think of anything else to do, Jimmy followed him outside. As soon as the door closed behind them, Alfred rounded on him.

"I've had enough of you," he yelled.

"What are you shouting about?" Jimmy asked taken aback. _What have I done now? What does he have to whip everything up? _

"Ivy told me you scorned her." _I was right—Ivy. Awful lot of trouble for a girl. _

"Scorned her? I don't even know what that means," Jimmy answered, rolling his eyes.

"You turned her down. What's the matter with you?" Alfred questioned.

"What's the matter with me? Would you have rather I said yes? Where would that leave you?" _Has he really not thought this through? He's dumber than he looks._

Alfred paused. He opened his mouth then closed it again. _Stop gaping like a fish and get on with it. _He opened his mouth again. "Well, I don't know, but you best leave her alone and don't go hurting her feelings anymore, or you will have me to deal with, no mistake," Alfred growled. With that, he stomped off toward the gardens. _Good riddance. He needs a walk to calm down. _

Jimmy went back to the servants' hall, assuming everyone would be in agreement that Alfred was out of line. The silence and accusatory stares that greeted him proved him wrong. He glanced around the room. It was still crowded, but no one offered him a smiled or even a sarcastic eye roll. Instead, it felt like everyone was angry with him. _I haven't done anything. What are they all looking at me like that for? _Jimmy found Thomas in the midst. _Please, help me. _

"What's everybody staring at?" Thomas demanded in such a way that everyone immediately and pointedly went about their business. Soon enough the hall was bustling again with conversation and movement. Jimmy shot him a grateful look before turning to head up to his room. _There's no reason to stay down here anymore, I guess. Might as well leave before I spoil anymore of their fun._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: In which, Thomas attempts to be comforting, again.

Against his better judgment, Thomas waited a minute, long enough so no one would notice, and then followed Jimmy out of the servants' hall. In the hall of the men's quarters, he caught up with him.

"Jimmy," he called. "Are you alright?" Jimmy stopped outside his room.

"Yeah, I am." He answered with a tight attempt at a smile. Thomas gave him a look. _You sure as hell aren't all right._

"Are you sure?" Thomas tried again.

"No," Jimmy relented, running a rough hand through his hair. "I don't understand what I do. Everything I do just makes someone mad. I can't turn around without offending someone, and I'm not even meaning to do it." He sighed, dejectedly. _Guess that's the difference between us. You at least have good intentions._

"Sometimes you just have to think 'to hell with them,'" Thomas replied in what he hoped was an encouraging voice. "This mopey, self-pitying act you're putting on doesn't suit you very well. You are better than….," Thomas started, but Jimmy interrupted.

"Jesus Christ! We can't all be as self-assured as you, Thomas," he groaned, slumping against the wall. Although the surprising anguish Thomas heard in Jimmy's voice almost tore him to pieces, he couldn't stop his heart from leaping slightly hearing "Thomas" come from Jimmy's lips instead of a stiff "Mr. Barrow." _Especially in that breathless tone…_

Deflecting the subject, Thomas said, "No one has ever accused you of lacking in confidence."

"I'm not talking about confidence. I'm talking about knowing who I am. You know exactly who you are, everybody else be damned, but I…I… don't know."

"What do you not know, Jimmy?" _Where is this conversation going? Thank God no one else is around._

"I don't know why I feel this way. I keep having these _thoughts,_" Jimmy answered waving his hands as if trying to grab an answer out of the air._ "_I don't want to have them."

"We aren't still talking about your tiff with Alfred, are we?" Thomas asked carefully. _Steady…_

"No, not really," Jimmy almost whispered before speaking again in a stronger but more distressed voice. "Why does everyone want to pair up anyway? I've tried it with girls plenty of times, been with them too, and I don't see the big fuss. Why can't I just be left alone?" Jimmy ranted, starting to break down into babbling.

At that moment, Thomas felt something he rarely felt toward people—empathy. However, whenever Thomas Barrow felt empathetic, it was almost enough to break him. He felt the other person's emotions as acutely as his own, and because he rarely allowed himself to feel at all, he didn't quite know what to do. When he was much younger, he asked himself all the same questions pouring from Jimmy's mouth.

As Jimmy lost steam, his voice dropped back to a whisper. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong with you," Thomas said in such a commanding tone Jimmy looked like he almost believed him. At the very least, it shut him up. _This boy will be the end of me…_Then Thomas did something he swore he would never do again—he kissed Jimmy Kent.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: In which, Jimmy finds out what the fuss is about.

At first, Jimmy didn't move, or maybe, he couldn't move. He wasn't entirely sure. As he felt Thomas' lips move against his own softly but demanding more, Jimmy felt himself relax into the kiss. Before he knew it, he was moving his lips back, opening his mouth slightly to taste more of Thomas. _So, this is what all the fuss is about… If this is what kissing is really supposed to be like, no wonder all the guys like Alfred act like such dopes in front of girls._ In this moment, Jimmy believed he would do anything, no matter how embarrassing, to feel this way again.

He leaned back against the wall, and Thomas followed his movements. Thomas placed his hand on the wall beside Jimmy's head to regain his balance, but after, he moved it to tangle his fingers in Jimmy's hair. Jimmy knew his hair was getting badly tousled. _Sod it all. I don't even care. It's the end of the day anyway. _Thomas's fingernails gently grazed his scalp. He sighed. _That feels downright heavenly. _Jimmy inhaled deeply, breathing in Thomas's heady scent. _He smells like me, only smokier and better. _

Thomas removed his mouth from Jimmy's and began to kiss along his jawline. Jimmy let his head rest against the wall. He gasped for air when Thomas kissed the hollow below his ear. _Didn't know I was so sensitive there. I wonder if he is. _He pushed Thomas back gently. Jimmy saw the flash of fear on the under butler's face before Jimmy dropped his head to Thomas's neck. Thomas groaned and dropped his head to rest on Jimmy's shoulder. _I guess that answers that._ Jimmy thought with a smug grin.

Thomas raised his head and recaptured Jimmy's lips with his. Tentatively, Jimmy moved his hand to the back of Thomas's neck. Jimmy had let his hands rest absentmindedly on the lapels of Thomas's jacket, but now he felt the urge to touch more of him. He curled his fingers in to the hair at the nape of his neck. _Hmm, so soft. _ He ran the tips of his fingers across Thomas's cheek. _His skin is soft, too. _Jimmy nipped at Thomas's bottom lip with his teeth. _The girls always seemed to like that. Seems like he does, too. _Thomas groaned again and pressed his hips into Jimmy.

Feeling a hardness against his thigh, Jimmy tensed involuntarily. _Shit. I've probably scared him, but I just wasn't expecting that. Why not? It would be the expected reaction, wouldn't it? _ Immediately sensing the change, Thomas pulled his hands away and took a step back from Jimmy.

"I…I'm sorry that was too much," Thomas apologized quickly. "I shouldn't have done it, all of it. I don't know what came over me." Jimmy reached out and firmly grasped Thomas's wrist.

"No. I mean maybe it was too much," Jimmy said still trying to catch his breath. Thomas winced at his words. "But," Jimmy continued. "I don't mind it." _Don't mind it? That was brilliant. _

Thomas smiled shyly. _How different he looks when he isn't hiding anything. I wish he would just be like this all the time. _Thomas glanced down the hallway. Jimmy did the same as they simultaneously realized where they were. Jimmy dropped Thomas's wrist. _Jesus, we are in the middle of the hall in the men's quarters. _

Thomas swallowed thickly. "I think I left my cigarettes downstairs," he said moving past Jimmy who nodded dumbly in response.

Jimmy let out a long breath. It took him a moment to realize that Thomas had not actually went back down to the servant's hall, but in fact, he had headed in the direction of his bedroom. _Did he already forget about his cigarettes again? Oh. Oh! _ Jimmy chuckled, opening the door to his own room. _ I suppose that makes sense. Can't really blame him. _

Jimmy couldn't keep the smile off his face as he quickly changed into his pajamas. He grudgingly brushed his teeth not quite wanting to wash away the taste of Thomas just yet. He laughed out loud seeing his reflection in the mirror. His hair really was a sight. _Just another reason I'm lucky no one else was in the hall. _ Jimmy burrowed under the covers. He could still smell Thomas's smoky, soapy pomade scent on his skin. For the first time in a while, he fell asleep instantly and slept all through the night, thoughts of the earlier events of the day all but forgotten.

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the bit of a cliffhanger with the last chapter. Actually, I am not sorry at all. I even considered waiting to post this, but then I remembered that I have a busy week coming up so my updates will definitely not be as quick after tomorrow. I'm very sorry in you for all the lovely reviews. My heart sings every time I see one in my inbox. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: In which, Thomas's genuine smile terrifies Mrs. Patmore.

Thomas woke to sunlight streaming right onto his face. He groaned and cursed as he forced himself out of bed. _Must have forgotten to close the bloody curtains. _He pulled the curtains closed and sat down on his bed, trying to fully wake up. Suddenly, images flashed through his mind— Jimmy's cheeks flushed red and his lips wet and inviting, a soft gasp. _Should have known it was just a dream, but still it was a good dream. Much better than the usual._

Thomas sat in the hall drinking tea and smoking before going about his day. He looked up when he heard people pass through. It was Jimmy and a few hall boys on their way to move the upstairs furniture so the maids could clean behind it. Thomas kept his focus on his tea. He was afraid if he looked at Jimmy the footman would be able to see straight into his dream. When he thought it was safe, he chanced a glance up only to find Jimmy directly in front of him.

"Morning, Thomas," Jimmy said with a wide grin and little wink as he turned on his heel to follow the hall boys upstairs.

Thomas almost spat his tea across the table. He managed to swallow it roughly which resulted in a coughing fit. _Oh my God. It wasn't a dream. _Thomas allowed himself to think through the rest of memory. He could feel Jimmy's fingers curling into the back of his hair, Jimmy falling back against the wall, and Thomas stumbling forward with him. _We were in the damn hallway. Stupid. _Thomas shook his head. _And, then I ran off. _ He winced at the memory. Even sitting alone in the servants' hall, he felt the embarrassment twist his gut and heat his face. Through his shame, he smiled again. _Jimmy said he didn't mind it. Who knew words so simple could be so lovely. _

The rest of the morning passed in a daze. Luckily, Thomas's over a decade worth of experience made it easy to move through the day's tasks without too much effort. When it was time for lunch, he had to keep himself from sprinting to the servant's hall. He would finally get to see Jimmy again. He forced himself to go to his room to wash up first. While in his room, a thought struck him. He took a little paperback book off his nightstand, and tucked it inside his jacket before heading downstairs. He settled into his seat. So far only Anna and Bates were at the table.

"What's put that grin on your face?" Mrs. Patmore said as she brought in another plate of sandwiches. It took Thomas a moment to realize the question was directed at him. He forced his expression back into a more neutral expression.

"Nothing in particular, Mrs. Patmore, just your lovely company," he answered.

"Oh my! Now you really are giving me quite a fight," she said raising a hand to her chest in mock horror.

Thomas looked across the table. Anna and Bates were looking at him as if he had sprouted an extra head. Anna came to her senses first.

"You really can be pleasant when you want to be, Mr. Barrow," she said with a little smirk.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Good. It was meant to be one." Before the conversation could be come too saccharin even for cheerful Thomas's liking, Jimmy and the hall boys came practically stampeding into the room.

"I beat the lot of you," Jimmy boasted, giving the closest one to him a shove. Normally such immaturity would annoy Thomas, but Jimmy, especially today, could do no wrong.

"What is all this noise?" Carson barked storming into the servants' hall. "This is a home not a stable!"

Instead of making a smart retort, Jimmy just straightened his clothes, and said, "I'm very sorry, Mr. Carson. Won't happen again." He then caught Thomas eyes and smiled. _His smile. And it's for me. _

"See that it doesn't," Carson said. He seemed almost taken aback that Jimmy didn't put up more of a fuss or at the very least sulk about being reprimanded.

Jimmy sat down diagonally across from Thomas and reached for the food.

"I'm starving. Moving that heavy furniture around works up an appetite," he said to no one in particular.

Thomas kept trying to think of things to say to Jimmy during the meal, but with everyone else about, he couldn't think of anything mundane enough to bring up. Everything he really wanted to say was not , he was pretty sure he felt something nudge his foot under the table a few times, and every time he looked up after the nudge, Jimmy deliberately avoided his gaze, but an unmistakable smirk played at his lips. Jimmy looked particularly dashing, after a morning of moving furniture. He had a bit of a dab on, and his shirt sleeves were rolled up, showing his forearms. _He really shouldn't do that with his uniform. I guess Carson was too distracted by the stampede to notice. Glad he didn't. I'm really enjoying the view._

After lunch, Thomas gave Jimmy a nod of his head toward the exit. Jimmy nodded back and left the room. Thomas waited a beat and followed him outside. Thomas instinctively reached for his cigarettes but stopped. _You know I don't really feel like one now. Odd. _Instead he reached in his jacket and pulled out the small, paperback book. He handed it toward Jimmy.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Since you found _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ too fanciful, I thought you might like something more literary," Thomas explained. Jimmy flipped thought the pages.

"Shakespeare's Sonnets? You call this not fanciful. Besides, I had to read this in school. Why would I want to read them again?"

Thomas shrugged. "You never really read them when you're in school. I've discovered that whenever I reread something I always find something new in it."

"Alright," Jimmy replied skeptically.

"And, be careful with that book. It's his Lordship's. Of course, I've had it so long now, and he hasn't said anything. I'm starting to think none of the Crawleys actually use the library."

"So you've got sticky fingers," Jimmy said reaching out with his free hand to grab one of Thomas's hands. Thomas allowed himself to enjoy the feel of Jimmy's skin against his before slowly pulling his hand back.

"Not here," Thomas whispered. Seeing the annoyed expression on Jimmy's face, Thomas added, "It's not that I don't want you to, but we have to be more careful. Last night was…"

"Spectacular?"

"Foolish and dangerous," Thomas amended. _Spectacular? That would have been my exact word for it. Really, how am I not dreaming?_

Jimmy rolled his eyes but smiled. "Fine we will be more careful next time. I've got to go wash up for dinner. I can't serve the family looking like this. I'm a mess." With one last grin, Jimmy went back inside. Leaving Thomas to his thoughts, which were heading in a risky direction.

_Next time? Hmm. You could definitely serve me dinner looking like that. _

__**Author's Note: **Sorry about this being my only update today. The weekend is over, and it's back to the grind.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: In which, Jimmy considers the idea of a "proper man."

Jimmy whistled as he worked, polishing a silver gravy boat. Even polishing silver with a sulking Alfred next to him couldn't dampen his spirits. In fact, he was feeling quite generous.

"You know I really didn't mean to hurt Ivy's feelings," he said. Alfred only grunted in response. "She is a nice enough girl. She's just not what I'm lookin' for that's all," he said with a shrug. Alfred continued polished a serving platter without saying a word so Jimmy kept talking in a cheerful voice. "You know this is the perfect opportunity for you."

"What do you mean by that?" Alfred questioned gruffly. _Good lord, do I have to spell it out for him?_

"You stood up for her, and now you can be her shoulder to cry on and all that," he explained.

"You know, I think you're right," Alfred said slowly, comprehension dawning on his face. Jimmy's offering seemed to placate Alfred. He dropped the sulky composure and transitioned back into his normal manner.

"Well, then what about you? Who do you fancy?"

"I like to keep those things to myself. Gives me an advantage," Jimmy said with a sly look.

"What do you mean by that?"

"When someone doesn't know you like them or can't figure it out, they are more likely to fancy you. People always want what they can't have," Jimmy reasoned.

"Like Mr. Barrow," Alfred said with a snigger. Jimmy swallowed. _You can't say anything. Just act like normal. _

"I guess," Jimmy responded keeping his voice neutral.

"It's unnatural him being like that," Alfred continued. Jimmy tightened his grip on the gravy boat. _Please, just shut up._ "It's just not right," Alfred said with a look of disgust. "His sort, they can't get married. They can't have children, a family. Nothing good comes of _sodomy._" Alfred voice dropped to a scandalized whisper at the last word. He glanced over his shoulder as if just saying the word would bring something terrible down on his head. "Mr. Barrow, he ain't a proper man."

Jimmy felt a knot form in his stomach at Alfred's words. His mind flooded with fearful thoughts. _Not a proper man? No family? I didn't think of it that way. Maybe I want a family. I've never really considered it before. I mean I don't really like babies. They're fussy messes, but I would like my own cottage like Anna and Mr. Bates. Just because I liked kissing Thomas doesn't mean I like men in general. I'm not his sort. He's just an exception. I just have to find the right woman. Everyone slips up every once in a while. We all make mistakes. This isn't no different than the boys going down to the pub to find a barmaid. They don't plan to marry the barmaids. They don't love them. I never loved them. Hell, most of the time I didn't even particularly like them. This isn't any different than that. Not really. Just a bit of madness with a friend. I'll make right eventually and find me a nice girl. I'm a proper man. _

"Jimmy! Jimmy, are you all right?" Alfred's voice broke through his inner diatribe. "Oh, sorry, what? I felt a bit queasy for a moment," Jimmy said placing the gravy boat carefully on the table. His palms felt really sweaty all of a sudden. He wasn't sure he could hold it anymore.

"Well that was you last piece, wasn't it?" Alfred asked glancing to the serving dish. Jimmy nodded. "Then I'll put this stuff away. You go outside a get a breath of fresh air. I don't want to be serving by myself tonight."

"Thank you," Jimmy murmured before dashing away from the servants' hall.

…..

Jimmy made it through serving fine. He did have to keep a tight leash on his thoughts, but he managed. As he entered the kitchen to return the final dessert tray, he passed Thomas who paused to whisper in his ear, "When you are finished with that, come to my room."

Jimmy nodded. Thomas smiled at him before continuing on his way. Jimmy dropped his eyes to the floor. _What the hell do I want? I want to go to his room, but I shouldn't. It's not right. It's just a bit of fun, Jimmy. No different than a roll in the hay with a barmaid. But does he know that?_

"I'll take that from you." Jimmy felt hands grasp the side of the dessert tray. He looked up.

"Thank you, Daisy."

….

Once outside Thomas's door, Jimmy stood in the hallway feeling queasy again. He had just made up his mind to forget it all and go back downstairs, when the door opened.

"What are doing just standing in the hall?" Thomas asked.

"Oh nothing, I was just about to knock," he said. Thomas stepped back to let him inside and shut the door behind them. Thomas crossed the room and sat down on his bed. The chair Jimmy sat in while visiting Thomas when he was recovering after the fair incident was right where Jimmy had left it. However, the chair strangely felt too intimate. Jimmy glanced nervously around the room.

Sensing his unease Thomas asked, "Is there something on your mind?" _Something on my mind? What isn't on my mind these days is more like it._

"Do you think being like your sort makes you not a proper man?" Jimmy said before he could stop himself.

"My sort?"

"Well, you know." Jimmy shrugged. He guiltily slunk over to the chair and lowered himself into it. _It's just a damn chair._

"Did you know that Alexander the Great took a male lover?" Thomas asked.

"What?" Jimmy said. _Alexander the Great?_

"They say the same thing of Richard I. Would you say they weren't proper men?" _Richard the Lionheart? _

"No." Jimmy looked down at his hands, feeling even guiltier. _You are a right little shit._

"Who told you that in the first place, about _my sort_ not being proper men?" Thomas asked.

"Alfred."

Thomas snorted. "And I suppose he's a shining example of a proper man then?"

Jimmy laughed. He laughed so hard his sides hurt. He felt the weight on his chest lighten significantly. _Thomas is right. What does Alfred know anyway?_

Thomas left his spot at the bed. Mimicking his movements Jimmy stood because it just seemed the right thing to do. His laughter died away. Thomas moved directly in front of him, leaving only inches of space between them.

"Would it be all right if I kissed you again?" he whispered.

Instead of verbalizing his answer, Jimmy leaned forward and pressed his lips to Thomas's of his own accord.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: In which, Thomas accepts Jimmy's unspoken challenge.

Just the feel of Jimmy's lips against his was almost enough for Thomas to forget the previous conversation. Almost. _He's just confused and scared. You were there too once. You can make this so much easier for him. _The feel of Jimmy's arm around his waist, pulling him closer made Thomas gasp. _Just enjoy the moment, you idiot. Why do you always ruin everything for yourself by assuming it's going to end? Because it always does…_

Jimmy nipped his bottom lip like he had the night before. Thomas brought his good hand up to cup Jimmy's cheek, taking control of the kiss. He ran his tongue across Jimmy's who responded accordingly. With great effort, Thomas pulled back slightly, breaking the kiss.

"Can I touch you?" he asked.

Jimmy glanced at Thomas's hands. One rested on his waist, the other against his cheek. Noting Jimmy's confusion, Thomas flicked his eyes down between them, and color rose in Jimmy's cheeks. "It's all right. You don't have to say…" Thomas began, backing off quickly.

"Yes," Jimmy blurted.

"What?" Thomas asked, slightly stunned. Surely he had heard wrong, misunderstood.

"Yes," Jimmy repeated and swallowed. "You can touch me." Thomas remained frozen, stunned into inaction by his good fortune. His heart pounded in his ears making him feel disoriented. Jimmy's words spun through his mind sounding more like poetry or music than a breathless consent. He felt Jimmy's cheek grow hot underneath his fingers. His fingers gripped his waist tightly.

"For God's sake, touch me, Thomas," Jimmy begged in an aggravated tone. Thomas rapidly returned to his senses. He still kept his gloved hand locked on Jimmy's waist. His other hand, he brushed down Jimmy's body. He felt the younger boy's abdomen muscles flex under the light touch. He traced the outline of Jimmy's already present erection. Jimmy sucked in a ragged breath.

"It would be more comfortable…" Thomas said and jerked his head in the direction of his bed.

"No! I mean here is fine. I, uh, I don't want to wait." He grabbed Thomas's palm and flattened it against himself causing them both to groan.

Thomas first gripped Jimmy though his trousers until Jimmy started rocking his hips into Thomas's grasp. He undid the footman's pants, reaching inside them to grab his length. He stroked Jimmy in a familiar motion, stopping occasionally to circle his thumb around the tip. Jimmy devolved into a mumbling, gasping mess of warm flesh under Thomas's touch. Jimmy kept trying to sloppily kiss Thomas, but in his lustful daze, he kept missing his intended target, settling instead for placing openmouthed kisses on Thomas's neck. _I assumed he would be more controlled, but this is a nice surprise. Jesus, I never thought I would get to touch him, especially not like this._

Thomas wasn't sure if it was seconds or minutes before Jimmy collapsed against his chest, and he felt a warm wetness cover his hand. Either way, it was over too soon for his liking. Thomas wrapped his arms around Jimmy, stroking his hair absentmindedly with his clean hand. His other he held awkwardly out of the way. _Would be hard to explain that to the laundry maids._ _Didn't think he could be more beautiful, but I was wrong. His hair smells lovely. _

"I know what you're going through is difficult. I didn't have anyone to help me sort it all out—at least not anyone with my best interests at heart," he finally said.

"Help me sort it all out? I don't know what you mean," Jimmy said wriggling out of Thomas's arms. Thomas grabbed a hand towel from his dresser and after wiping his own hand clean, handed it to Jimmy.

"I mean coming to terms with all this, accepting yourself," he explained as Jimmy buttoned his pants.

"There's nothing for me to come to terms with. We're just having a bit of fun," Jimmy stressed, dropping the soiled towel on the floor. _A bit of fun? _

"Jimmy, I…"

"Look, I'm not like your sort. I don't fancy men. I like you and well, all this, but I'm still hoping to have a wife someday and maybe a family. I don't plan on throwing that away," he said quickly, not meeting Thomas's gaze, instead choosing to look at a spot on the far wall. _At least have the decency to look me in the eye._

"I didn't ask you to throw anything away," Thomas spat. _You knew what I wanted, you cruel little bastard._

"It's implied, isn't it," Jimmy snapped back defensively then sighed. "Look I don't know what else to do. What I'm trying to say is I want to keep this up, but I want you to know that, well, that I'm not your sort."

"So, um, we are clear then?" Jimmy asked after a stretch of uncomfortable silence.

"Very," Thomas ground out in response. He clenched his fists by his side making his gloved hand ache. _Don't think you're my sort? I'll make you wish you were my sort._

**Author's** **Note:** Sorry for the short chapter. It's been a long day. I can't make any promises for tomorrow. I will try my best for an update. But, come this weekend? I will be the queen of updates. Don't you fear! :)

Gah! Sorry about the chapter mix up. I guess I shouldn't post so late at night. Damn drop down boxes. This is now my most reviewed story. Too bad the last handful are just to point out how dumb I am. How embarrassing. :( Good Lord! But, thank you all for letting me know so I could fix it.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: In which, Jimmy bargains for something he never knew he wanted.

_Well you've gotten yourself into a downright bitch of a situation. _Over the last week, Jimmy had met with Thomas three more times, once outside, tucked in a darkened corner after everyone else had went to bed, and twice in the wine cellar. _Perks of being an under butler. _ Jimmy tried to avoid Thomas's bedroom by always making a different suggestion, but he knew it was the safest place for them. With all of Thomas's things around and the bed that he slept on in the room, Jimmy couldn't keep the nauseous feeling out of stomach. _And with those kind of activities. Christ, I can't even think about it._

During the last jaunt in the wine cellar, Jimmy attempted to return the favor. He wanted to do it. He'd been building it up in his head for days, but for some reason the reality of it made it too much. Deliberately touching Thomas so intimately made him want to crawl into a hole and hide, forever. Thomas didn't seem to mind too much when Jimmy quickly withdrew his hand and turned away. _Well, I suppose he minded, but he didn't say anything, and I know I would have if someone got me all worked up and didn't finish the job. _

Eventually, the moment came when Jimmy couldn't avoid Thomas's bedroom at least without vocalizing his fear, whatever the fear actually was. Carson was doing an inventory of the wine cellar, and it was raining so there normal spots were out. Jimmy tried to suggest an upstairs closet, but Thomas pointed out that the maids were turning bed sheets that day._ There are closets besides the linen closets._ But, Jimmy knew he was trapped. He agreed to meet Thomas in his room between lunch and serving for dinner.

_You could just not go. Or, go and say you aren't feeling well then get the hell out of there. I do want a go just anywhere but there. Anywhere else would be better. Even the bloody servants' hall or better yet his lordship's library. _

Thomas had left his door open for Jimmy. He stood awkwardly in the doorway just looking anywhere but at Thomas who sat on his bed. _Of course. Well, where else do you expect him to be? It's his room and considering…_

"Come on in and close the door before someone sees you," Thomas scolded. Jimmy shut the door then proceeded to lean against it. Thomas raised an eyebrow at him so Jimmy moved to sit in the lone chair.

"You can sit on the bed with me. I know it's small, but I've made it work before," Thomas said seeing Jimmy's intent. _Before?_ The thought of Thomas with another man especially in this room made Jimmy feel like he wanted to hit something._ He's had blokes in his room? Is he just messing with me? I can never tell what he's thinking. Is he trying to make me jealous? Is it working?_

Jimmy tentatively sat on the bed. Thomas moved to kiss him, and Jimmy braced himself. _Okay. This isn't bad. Just being on the bed doesn't change this. Stop being a ninny. But, his civvies and his comb, and his pomade are right there. What the hell's wrong with you? It's not like his toiletries are watching you._

"Is something wrong," Thomas murmured as he kissed Jimmy's jawline.

"Ugn, no, not at all," Jimmy gasped.

Eventually, much to Jimmy's relief, Thomas's actions quieted his thoughts, reducing them to something more along the lines of detached, abstract emotions. Strong emotions. Instead of slipping a hand in Jimmy's pants like he usually did, Thomas stopped after undoing them. He grabbed Jimmy's chin, forcing him to look at him.

"I'm going to do something different this time. Is that alright?" Thomas asked.

Although it kind of made Jimmy feel like an infant whenever Thomas repeatedly asked permission to do things to him, Jimmy knew the reason why, and it made him feel something strangely close to guilt. Jimmy gave his consent, and Thomas moved from the bed to kneeling on the floor in front of Jimmy. _What's he doing on the floor? _Thomas gripped Jimmy at his base then moved his head forward.

"Oh my God," Jimmy gasped realizing Thomas's intent, the last word turning into more of a groan. Thomas first licked his tongue up Jimmy then took him in his mouth. Jimmy bucked his hips upward, but Thomas pressed his hips down into the mattress with his free hand with surprising force.

Jimmy's eyes stayed glued to Thomas. He wanted to look away, but he couldn't. Jimmy gripped the edge of the mattress until his knuckles turned white, trying to suppress the overwhelming desire to thrust his hips. _I can't, I can't, I CAN'T. Oh God…_

Jimmy's hands flew to Thomas's hair to warn him, but Thomas continued his ministrations with unrelenting vigor. Jimmy's thoughts ceased and his vision went as his orgasm racked his body. When he came to, Thomas was already back on the bed, holding Jimmy. Jimmy sat up straighter. _Did I… in his mouth? _Jimmy felt mortified, but looking at Thomas, he looked the same as he always except a little more disheveled. Other than that, it couldn't be known from his appearance if he had just done what he did or walked to town on a hot day. This quelled Jimmy's insecurities for the moment.

"No one's ever done that to me before," he admitted still in a lust induced daze.

"Couldn't ever convince one of your girls?" Thomas smirked.

"No and believe me I asked."

"Of course, you did," Thomas said shaking his head with smile. _If he doesn't have any qualms about me coming in his mouth, would he ever let me…?_

"Would you let me, um, you know…" Jimmy let his voice trail off. Thomas didn't immediately respond. _Is he really going to make me say it? What would I even say? What do they call it?_

"No, I don't," Thomas answered when he realized Jimmy wasn't going to finish his question.

"_Yes_, you do," Jimmy answered. _Well, don't I just sound like a whiny git. _When Thomas's eyes narrowed, Jimmy almost breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank God, he gets it. Eh, maybe I shouldn't bring God into this. Don't know how he would feel about it. _

"So, you want to sodomize me?" Thomas asked raising his eyebrows. Seeing the tension around his mouth, Jimmy was afraid the under butler was about to laugh at him.

"Please don't laugh," Jimmy groaned dropping his face into his hands. He could feel the heat under the collar of his uniform. _Hopefully I will just melt into the floor._

"Alright then," Thomas answered. Jimmy dared to peek out from between his fingers. _He definitely wants to laugh at me. What an arse. Well at least he said yes. _"But," Thomas amended. "You have to let me do you first."

"What?" Jimmy yelped. "Why?" _This was not part of the plan. He can't be serious. _

"Because until someone has done it to you, you don't really know how to do it to them. I won't let you just pound away at me until you have some idea at what you're doing," Thomas explained.

"I won't pound away at you," Jimmy said, crossing his arms, feeling affronted. "I've got some restraint. I'm not a sissy virgin or anything."

"So you've been with a man before?"  
"No, of course not, but…"

"But nothing. You should probably just trust that I know more about this than you. That's the offer," Thomas said with finality.

_God damn it. _"Fine. I'll think about it."

**Author's Note**: I'm still recovering from my mortification at posting the wrong document. I hope this offering make up for it.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: In which, Alfred inadvertently makes a pass at Thomas.

All through the morning Thomas was plagued by a strange mix of irritation and excitement. Thomas was glad Jimmy gave up as easily as he did because honestly, Thomas would probably let Jimmy do anything to him. Thomas feared that if Jimmy continued to push the subject Thomas would have screamed, "Fine, bugger me now!" _Arrogant little shit._ _He still hasn't technically given me an answer. I wish he would just be honest with himself before he drives me mad._

By lunchtime, Thomas realized he hadn't seen Jimmy all day. _He's avoiding me._ After finishing his lunch, Thomas purposely hung around the servants' hall before moving to his next task. He assumed Jimmy wouldn't skip a meal all together, even if he would wait longer before coming down.

Thomas was right. He caught Jimmy at the entrance to the servants' hall. Deliberately moving in front of him to block his way, Thomas opened his mouth to say something, but Jimmy noticed Carson exiting his office down the hall and called out, "Mr. Carson do you have a moment. I've got something to ask you," before hurrying off.

Thomas stood in the entrance way for a moment trying to decide what to do. _Should I wait for him to finish with Carson? Shouldn't take too long since he obviously doesn't have a real question for him. _Before he could decide, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Mrs. Hughes.

"Excuse, Mr. Barrow, you may have the time to lurk in doorways all day, but I have work to do," she said with a smile. Thomas took that as his cue to go back to work instead of stalking Jimmy for an answer. _I'll teach him to ignore me._

…..

At the staff dinner that night, Thomas sat directly across from Jimmy. He could tell from Jimmy's face that he was considering moving chairs, but there were too many people around for it not to be obvious. _I've got you trapped at least for a while._

Thomas watched Jimmy during the beginning of the meal. Eventually, Jimmy appeared to relax and began eating his food and talking with Alfred. Thomas talked a little with Mrs. Hughes and answered some work related questions from Carson. He even took a moment to verbally spar with Mr. Bates, but he didn't let thoughts of Jimmy stray far from his mind. Near the end of dinner, Thomas found his chance. He looked directly across the table at Jimmy, easily catching his eye.

"Have you given my offer any more thought, James?" Thomas asked casually as if were inquiring about the weather. Thomas almost laughed at Jimmy's stricken face. It looked like the stew he had been eating might make another appearance. Stunned into silence, Jimmy merely sat with his spoon half way to his lips as bits of vegetable dripped back down into his bowl. Luckily, everyone else stayed focused on their own conversations, only Alfred who sat right beside Jimmy noticed the question.

"What offer?" Alfred asked when Jimmy failed to respond. Jimmy was caught between continuing to glare at Thomas and shooting Alfred a nasty look.

"Jimmy has a half day off next week that I would really like to trade him my full day for?" Thomas explained turning toward Alfred. Jimmy eyed Thomas warily, his mouth set in a thin line.

"And, he won't take it?" Alfred asked with a mouth full of food. Thomas cringed at the sight, but he kept on with his ruse.

"No, my full day is next month. Jimmy would rather enjoy his little half day now than wait for something better," Thomas said redirecting his gaze back to Jimmy.

"Come on, Jimmy! Give up the half day! While you're working on the half day, you can just imagine how great the full day will be. Maybe we could take our full days on the same day…" Alfred started rambling on about all the things he and Jimmy could do together on a full day off, but Jimmy ignored him glaring intently at Thomas. _If looks could kill…_

"You know what I am perfectly content with my half day. I don't need your bloody full day," Jimmy hissed, finally returning his spoon to his bowl. "I didn't want it anyway." _You do want it, you little liar. _Thomas silently congratulated himself for getting Jimmy riled up.

"I'll take your full day, Mr. Barrow," Alfred said earnestly.

Thomas stifled a laugh. "Sorry, the offer was just for, James," Thomas excused himself to smoke, leaving a very put out Jimmy and a confused Alfred sulking at the table.

….

Later that night, when Thomas just finished changing into his night clothes, Jimmy came charging into the room, ignoring the closed door entirely. _Well, I'm not surprised at all. I knew he wouldn't last much longer. Too scared I'll bring it up again in front of people. Not that Alfred had the slightest clue I was talking about anything other than time off._

"Knocking would be the polite thing to do," Thomas said.

"Save your smart comments," Jimmy said crossing his arms and pouting like a child. Thomas raised an eyebrow waiting for him to speak. _You're the one who burst in here like a mad man._

"Alright. I've thought about it. Just go ahead and do it," Jimmy said flinging his arms out then letting them drop at his sides. _Thomas felt a wave of triumph._

"I'm not going to 'just go ahead and do it,'" Thomas said with a little laugh at Jimmy's dramatics.

"Please, don't draw this out. I'm not sure I can stand it," Jimmy huffed looking around nervously. _Thomas felt a little pang of guilt. I really didn't mean to upset him this much._

"That's not what I mean. I'm not going to actually do anything to you that you aren't comfortable with. It wouldn't be good for either of us, and it wouldn't be right." _Did he really think I would if he didn't want me to? Guess that's a fair assumption considering…. I can't even think about it now._

"Then what was all this for? I could have killed you at dinner," Jimmy asked looking bewildered.

"I just wanted you to consider it really," Thomas said with a shrug.

"So you don't even want to?" Jimmy asked, sounding surprisingly hurt and offended. Thomas almost laughed again. He probably would have if he didn't also sort of want to cry.

"I didn't say that," he answered quietly.

Jimmy sat on Thomas's bed, hands on his knees. He looked a little dumbstruck, but suddenly, a look of hard determination settled on his features.

"Well, I did consider it, and I want to do it. I already said I would. My mind is made up," he announced. Now, Thomas felt a little sick.

"Jimmy, I shouldn't have… you don't have to…," he began.

"No. I want to. Stop making me say it," he begged.

"I really think we should talk," Thomas tried again.

"Please, stop talking!"

"Alright," Thomas said sitting beside Jimmy on the bed. Thomas cupped Jimmy's face before kissing him lightly. Jimmy retuned the kiss a bit more roughly, fisting his hands into Thomas's hair. Thomas made to push Jimmy's jacket off his shoulders.

"I can undress myself," Jimmy snapped. Although, Thomas would have preferred to do the work himself, he definitely didn't mind the direction things were headed. _I just hope he really is sure about this. I don't know if I can handle if he calls it off midway through._

**Author's Note**: Sorry, for the silence yesterday. I had no idea what I was doing with this chapter. I really just wanted to skip to the next one, but the next one needed to be from Jimmy's perspective, and I have a pattern going so I was stuck. The next chapter will be up sometime today. It's basically written. It's actually the first part of the story I wrote, but it needs some tweaking because with writing the first dozen chapters, some things have changed. Thanks for continuing to read! I love you all!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: In which, Thomas tells Jimmy to slow down and trust him.

Jimmy never thought he would find himself in this position. After stripping off his clothes, Jimmy crawled onto Thomas's bed on his hands and knees. He took a deep breath and then proclaimed, "I'm ready."

Thomas, who had only managed to strip from the waist up so far, put a hand on Jimmy's shoulder maneuvering him into a sitting position. "Slow down," he said gently. "You need to warm up first." Thomas moved to kiss him, but Jimmy moved his head defiantly.

"No, I'm ready," Jimmy insisted.

"Trust me. You're not. Even if you won't let me kiss you, you need to let me open you up," Thomas said sliding his hand over Jimmy's thigh and between his legs. Jimmy grabbed his hand tightly and moved it away.

"Just do it before I lose my nerve," he said, reassuming his earlier position. He glanced back at Thomas who looked wary. _How many times to I have to tell him? You'd think he'd jump at the chance. _Thomas undid his own trousers, pushing them and his underwear off. Jimmy looked away, staring at a spot on the wall, expecting to feel Thomas at any moment.

As Jimmy continued to kneel on the bed with all his hairs of end, he thought his heart would burst out of his chest. He also felt his body respond in thatway. _Traitor_. He was just about to ask what was taking so long, when he heard an oddly familiar sound of skin against skin. _He's wanking!_

"Do you really have to do that? Shouldn't seeing me like this be enough," Jimmy said.

"Funny it's always easier for me when the other person is more enthusiastic," Thomas replied dryly.

Finally, Jimmy felt Thomas place a hand on his backside. Jimmy braced himself again. He felt Thomas run his hands down his back.

"You have to relax," Thomas said. Jimmy heard him spit.

"Now, what are you doing?" Jimmy groaned. "This is taking forever."

"I'm trying to make this as painless as possible for you," Thomas said. Jimmy felt Thomas's wet but warm fingers on him at his entrance. He jumped forward slightly.

"You didn't tell me you were going to wipe your spit on me. Can't you use something else?" Jimmy said his voice squeaking slightly. _That's just gross. You didn't think it was gross when his spit was on your cock, did you?_

"Unless you want to go and ask around for some petrol jelly, this is the best I have on short notice," Thomas said. Jimmy heard the annoyance in his voice. _Okay, just shut up and let him do whatever he's doing._

When Thomas first pressed at his entrance, Jimmy was surprised at how much it hurt. He expected it to be uncomfortable, but the burning sensation almost took his breath away.

"God damn it," Jimmy growled. "Girls better not give me any more hell when I ask them to try this."

"You mean little Miss Ivy won't let you stick it wherever you want?" Thomas said. Although his voice was huskier now, Jimmy could still hear the annoyance in it.

"I'm not talking about Ivy. Uggnn… I've told you before…. she's not my type," Jimmy managed to get out in a strangled voice between pants, as Thomas gently nudged forward a little more, his hands gripping Jimmy's hips.

"Because your type is a man," Thomas offered with an accompanying groan.

With that, Jimmy pulled away from Thomas, flipping over to sit on the bed. Thomas sat back on his heels. "Come on now don't be like that, Thomas said in a still raspier than normal voice. "Besides, it's a fair enough thing to say when you've got my cock in your bum."

Jimmy jumped off the bed entirely and began furiously pulling on his clothes. "It was of your own accord, I might add!" Thomas continued his voice rising slightly. _He's going to wake up the whole house. _

"Will you keep your voice down!" Jimmy hissed. "Why do you always have to start that? I don't know what my type is yet." Thomas's mouth turned down in a severe frown.

"First of all, if your type isn't Daisy or Ivy, you don't have many other options unless you plan on pulling something like Branson and going after Lady Edith. Second, that's just what men say when they don't want to admit the truth," Thomas argued. He still wasn't bothering to put his own clothes on. He was just sitting on the edge of the bed. _Naked._ It was starting to make Jimmy uncomfortable or maybe flustered. _He really does have a nice chest. It's a shame he has to keep it covered all the time. He's almost as fit as me. _Jimmy's eyes played over Thomas's body, before he snapped them back up. _Don't look there. Don't look there. _

"But, I've been with women too, and it wasn't bad," Jimmy said earnestly. Thomas let out a derisive laugh.

"What? You think I've never been with a woman at all?" Thomas said with a sly smile. Jimmy blinked rapidly in response. He stood up straight dropping the shoe he was attempting to put on. He sat back down on the bed next to Thomas. He had managed to pull on his trousers but not fasten them and his shirt hung open.

"I…well…I never thought about it, but no, I suppose I thought you had only been with men," Jimmy answered, finding his tongue. "What did you think it was like being with a woman?"

"It wasn't bad," Thomas answered, throwing Jimmy's words back at him. "But, it was never quite as satisfying, and come to think of it, I also never let a group of thugs beat me up for a woman."

"So, it's not just physical?"

"My attraction to men? No."

"Have you ever been in love. I mean, except for me?" Jimmy amended, but he immediately regretted it. _What the bloody hell did I say that for?_

"You're a cheeky little sod, assuming things."

Jimmy unsuccessfully tried to hide his blush, but he knew Thomas saw it. _For someone so damn perceptive why did he think sneaking into my room and kissing me while I was asleep would be alright? Because maybe it was. Maybe he knew it even before you did. No, stop it. _

"Well, have you? Answer the question," Jimmy said gruffly, feeling a little put out.

"I thought I was… once," Thomas said. "But, I was young and stupid."

"What happened?" _Whoever he is I'll hunt him down and, whoa, Jimmy, what the hell are you thinking?_

"I tried to blackmail him." Jimmy's eye grew wide at Thomas's admission. "Of course, this was after he retracted his job offer. Said I could be his valet, but when it can down to it, he was never going to let me."

"His valet? So wait he's one of them?" Jimmy gasped.

"Oh, better than that. He's a duke."

"You're joking?" Jimmy blurted. _A bloody duke?_

"I think you've just insulted me. You don't think I'm good enough for a duke?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Maybe this surprises you, but I am quite popular among _my sort_, as you would say," Thomas said. "You really should be flattered. Other men would love to be in your position." Thomas dropped his eyes, looking between the two of them. "Literally and figuratively."

Jimmy couldn't help it. It was quite funny so he laughed. _No, I'm really not that surprised. _

"So how many girls have you asked to do this to?" Thomas asked.

"Well, just the one, but she slapped me so hard I thought it was best never to bring it up again," Jimmy said with another laugh.

"Until me?" Thomas gave Jimmy a penetrating look abruptly changing the mood back to serious.

"Yes," Jimmy admitted his laugh dying in his throat. _Why does he have to be so sincere sometimes?_

"This would be easier on you if you would just lie back and let me do it the best way. You don't have to be on all fours like a dog," Thomas said gently. He reached for Jimmy's hand. Although his first reaction was to yank it away, Jimmy let him hold it. _Christ, why does he have to be like this. This is so embarrassing. I don't… I don't…_

"I don't want you looking at me," Jimmy heard himself admit. He clamped his mouth shut as the words escaped.

Thomas leaned forward and cupped Jimmy's face moving his head so they were almost nose to nose. Jimmy kept his eyes down until he heard a prodding "Jimmy" come from Thomas's lips. Jimmy lifted his gaze to look into Thomas's eyes, and he felt oddly comforted. "You have to trust me," Thomas continued. "Believe me. I want to do this, more than anything, but we really have to wait until you are ready."

Jimmy nodded causing Thomas's palm to brush against his cheek. "We can still do other things, right?" Jimmy asked hating the way his voice sounded. _Don't you sound like a girl. What is it about Thomas? Probably his damn pretty face. No bloke's face should be that nice (except mine of course.)_

"Yes, but I think that's enough attempts at sodomy for tonight," Thomas said with a smirk, dropping his hand and reaching forward to pick his underwear off the floor. Jimmy watched him move. His eyes trailed from Thomas's outstretched hand up to forearm then his upper arm. Jimmy's eyes stopped on odd round marks on Thomas's upper arm. Before Jimmy realized what he was doing, he reached out his fingers to the marks. They were rough and raised against the otherwise flawless skin. Thomas looked over at his touch, then flinched away slightly seeing Jimmy's fingers upon him.

"What are those?" Jimmy asked.

Thomas snatched up his shirt and pulled it over his head effectively covering the marks. "They're nothing just birthmarks," Thomas answered, evasively. _Bullshit. Those aren't birthmarks. They look more like burns to me._

Before Jimmy could dwell on the marks too much, Thomas pointed added, "I'll say good night then." Jimmy stood quickly and finished putting on his clothes.

"Goodnight," he responded before rushing out the door to the security of his own room. As he squirmed in his bed to try to get comfortable, he couldn't keep the image of the scars on Thomas's arm out of his mind. _There's too many to be an accident, and they are near perfect circle about the size of a cigarette._ _Did someone do that to him? Why? He said I need to trust him, but he even doesn't trust me._

**Author's Note:** This is now officially my longest fic.

**Author's Note 2:** So Thomas comment about "that's just what men say when they don't want to admit the truth" comes from a real life story. I have a friend with two dads. She says they argue all the time about the existence of bisexuality. Her biological dad says he's bisexual, but his partner thinks you are gay or straight and the rest is just you messing with yourself and experimenting sexually. I don't know if this will be an actual fight with Jimmy and Thomas but I wanted the suggestion there.


	14. Chapter 14

**Warning:** Violent subject matter of a sensitive nature. Please, be warned.

Chapter 14: In which, Thomas struggles to preserve his facade.

Thomas looked at the assortment of tools and gears scattered across the workbench. He had to stand on his toes just to see the top of the table. He wanted to reach out and touch them especially some of the shinier ones, but he didn't want to break anything. He waited wide-eyed as his father screwed another piece into a clock. It amazed Thomas that hands so large and strong could be gentle enough to build something so delicate. His father laid down his tool and wiped the back of his hand across his brow. He looked over at Thomas, smiling.

"There. This one's about done, and I think's it's time you run on home."

"Can't I stay here with you?"

"I've got a lot more work to do and while you are an excellent helper, your mum might need some help at home," he said ruffling Thomas's hair.

Thomas scowled. His father attempted to give him a no-nonsense look, but the smile playing at his lips lessened the effect.

"How about this? You go home and help your mom now, and you can come back to the shop with me tomorrow morning. Deal?" he asked extending a hand to Thomas. Thomas slipped his tiny hand into his father's large one.

"Yes," he grinned.

On the walk home, Thomas took his sweet time kicking rocks out of the path, chasing the occasional bird. Before he even entered his small house, he heard his mother swearing from inside. She was in one of her moods. He thought she might be since she wasn't even out of bed when he left with his father that morning. Thomas considering heading down to the little pond in the neighboring field to watch the frogs, but his mother heard him at the front door.

"Get on in here you useless thing and help me move this dresser," she yelled. Thomas went inside and found his mother pushing against the large, ancient dresser in her room. "Come to this side and push it. I've lost me necklace."

Thomas joined his mother, eyeing the dresser warily. He looked up at her sweaty face. He placed both his hands on the edge of the dresser and digging in his feat, he pushed with all his might. He heard his mother straining with him, but the dresser refused to budge. His mother stood up straight, groaning slightly with her wasted efforts. She looked at the dresser then at Thomas who had stopped pushing as well. With a swift jerk of her arm, she smacked him on the back of the head. As Thomas cowered away, she pulled a cigarette out of her apron pocket, stuck it between her lips, and lit it.

"I don't know why I'm trying to look behind the dresser in the first place. You probably stole it," she sneered between puffs.

"No, I didn't," Thomas challenged standing up straighter, his hands forming little fists at his sides. His mother turned slowly, giving him a disgusted look.

"Yes, you did, and if you don't shut your mouth, I'll tell your father what a thieving like sneak you are," she replied in a deadly whisper. Thomas squared his shoulders.

"I didn't steal nothing. You're a liar. I'll tell father," he said. His mother lunged forward grabbing him by the forearm. She yanked him toward her and plunged her still lit cigarette onto his upper arm. Thomas screamed and struggled to get away.

"You will say nothing to your father," she yelled her breath hot on his face and reeking of alcohol. She released his arm, and he collapsed back against the dresser sinking to the floor clutching the burn spot. Her rage dissipating as soon as it had appeared, his mother looked calmly down at her unlit stub of a cigarette.

"Now look what you've done. Made me waste a perfectly good smoke, you little brat."

Thomas awoke with a start grasping at the sheets around him. It took him a minute to realize he wasn't six year old and he wasn't cowering against his mother's dresser, hoping to avoid another smack. Thomas never thought he would find so much comfort from his bedroom at Downton. He hadn't dreamed of his mother in years. He rubbed his eyes. _Damn it. This is Jimmy's fault. He doesn't have the manners not to ask questions. _Thomas settled back onto his bed hoping dreamless sleep would overtake him soon. He hated working without a full night's rest. As he stared into the darkness trying to will himself to fall asleep, another simultaneously more intriguing, troubling, and hopeful thought crossed his mind. _What if Jimmy's asking because he actually cares?_

...

In direct contrast to Thomas's mood, it was a beautiful day at Downton. _Of fucking course, the weather is mocking me._ The sun shone brightly. The temperature was perfect. Most of the family was out of the house riding, walking, or visiting so most of the staff sported relaxed demeanors. They all still had plenty of work to do, but work was always easier when the family wasn't around. After finishing a few afternoon tasks, Thomas decided to step outside for some fresh air. He leaned back against the wall and raised his face to the sun. Before he could take in a few lungfuls, Jimmy appeared at his side.

"You didn't talk much at lunch," Jimmy said, leaning his shoulder against the wall and giving Thomas a meaning full look.

"A lot on my mind. That's all," Thomas replied, looking away from Jimmy.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing important." _Change the subject. Change the subject. _  
"It must be important or you wouldn't be thinking about it," Jimmy reasoned.

When it became obvious that Thomas wasn't going to offer any further explanation, Jimmy let out an exasperated sigh. Thomas glared at him. _Well, now you know how I feel most of the time._

"You asked me to trust you, but I know you keep things from me," Jimmy accused.

"I don't keep things from you," Thomas responded automatically, his frustration growing at Jimmy's inability to let it drop. _He's right though. You did tell him trust you._

"You're doing it right now!" Jimmy pushed himself off the wall and moved directly into Thomas line of vision. With his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face, he looked more like a contrite child. In another circumstance, Thomas would have found the sight comical.

Jimmy dropped his voice to a whisper. "I know those marks on your arm aren't birthmarks. I know what cigarette burns look like." Thomas felt his stomach drop and the blood drain from his face. He wasn't too surprised that Jimmy knew he was upset. He realized over the past few years that his poker face wasn't quite as strong as he imagined or hoped. However, he didn't think Jimmy would move to the heart of the issue so quickly. He thought his birthmark answer had been sufficient. It had been for anyone else who bothered to notice them.

"Well, I smoke, don't I? Accidents happen," Thomas replied in a last ditch effort. _Now I just sound like and a boldfaced liar. _Jimmy's face confirmed his suspicions.

"I'm not an idiot. Those weren't on accident. I may not know who gave them to you, but I think I can piece it together well enough," Jimmy said.

"It's probably not who you think," Thomas answered hating the slight quiver in his voice.

Jimmy opened his mouth let out a breath then spoke again. "Well, I won't know unless you tell me."

"That was my intention," Thomas snapped back. He made a move to leave, but Jimmy stuck an arm out, landing his hand against the wall, blocking Thomas's intended route of escape. _Damn it. _

"Please, tell me." Jimmy said earnestly, his eyes wide, his brow furrowed in concern. In his life, Thomas rarely saw such a look directed at him. He could count the number of times on one hand. Oddly enough, they were almost all in the last year or so. Even so, Thomas could never get used to it. It always took his breath away and threw him off his guard. He spoke before he even realized the words were out of his mouth.

"The marks are from my mum." The astonishment on Jimmy's face confirmed that he had indeed said the words out loud. _Is this really happening?_

"Your mother did that to you? Why?" Jimmy asked. Thomas darted his eyes around to make sure they were still alone. He silently prayed for someone to come outside to end the conversation. _The one time I want to be interrupted and Downton fails me._

"Lots of reasons—I didn't make my bed properly, I looked at her wrong, and the list continues. Usually I just got a smack but sometimes I got these," Thomas answered forcing his voice into a casual tone. He rolled his shoulder where the marks were hidden under the layers of his uniform.

"What about your father? Did he hurt you, too? Did he know?" Jimmy asked in rapid succession. When Thomas shook his head no, Jimmy asked another question. "Did you tell him?"

"No," Thomas swallowed thickly losing all hope of a casual air. "I didn't want to disappoint him. He loved my mother for whatever reason. She also had her good days. Not as many, but she had them."

"That's…that's terrible," Jimmy whispered at a loss for words. _Don't you dare._

"I don't need your pity," Thomas admonished. Jimmy took a slight step back, hands raised as if in surrender.

"Thomas, I don't…," Jimmy began, but before he could finish the door leading back to the servants' hall opened and Daisy came out lugging a bucket of dirty water. Jimmy glanced over his shoulder at Daisy then turned his attention back to Thomas.

"Can I come to your room tonight?" he asked quickly, keeping his voice low.

"We really ought to be more careful," Thomas said flicking his eyes to Daisy. _Never thought I'd want to turn down that offer._

"Don't really see why it should matter. Everyone knows about you, and you got a promotion," Jimmy reasoned. He glanced again at Daisy then added. "I'm coming to your room tonight."

Before Thomas could argue, Jimmy had already turned to Daisy, offering to help her dispose of the mop water. The two rounded the corner to a more appropriate disposal area, disappearing from Thomas's sight.

Thomas remained leaning against the wall. The sun no longer felt nice and warm. It felt suffocating. His tie was much too tight. He couldn't breathe properly. He roughly pulled it loose. He doubled over with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. He clenched his eyes shut. _What is this man doing to me?_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: In which, Jimmy (as always) does the wrong thing.

Jimmy suffered from a headache the rest of the day. Picturing Thomas as a child was difficult enough. Picturing Thomas as helpless was almost impossible. The whole confession made him feel like his insides curled up and bottomed out. As bad as he felt for pushing Thomas to talk about something that obviously made him so uncomfortable, Jimmy felt a sense of pride and warmth that Thomas confided in him.

Jimmy paced his room. It was killing him to wait, but he knew it was essential to wait until everyone was asleep. He help off for as long as he could.

Jimmy tapped on Thomas's door before opening it. He knew he should wait for Thomas to respond before opening the door, but a part of him feared Thomas sending him away. He'd never technically gotten permission to visit.

Thomas sat up in bed reading. He glanced up at Jimmy, but didn't say anything. His expression was neutral. The same expression he used when serving the family. _So that's how it's going to be._

Casting his past hesitations aside, Jimmy shut the door carefully behind him and moved across the room. He sat on the side of Thomas's bed. Jimmy placed a hand on Thomas's leg hoping it was an appropriately comforting gesture.

"Can we tal—."

"No, I don't want to talk about that anymore," Thomas said, shutting his book and leaning forward to place it on the nightstand.

"You don't even know what I was going to say," Jimmy said with a frown.

"I think I've figured it out," Thomas said, glancing down pointedly at Jimmy's hand on his leg.

"What are you willing to talk about?" Jimmy huffed, removing his hand and crossing his arms.

"You," he answered. _There's nothing to talk about. Nope._

"Well, that's not going to happen, so let's just get on with it then."

Jimmy leaned forward placing a hand on the back of Thomas's neck and kissed him. Thomas responded until Jimmy began to push down the waistband of his own bottoms. Thomas stilled Jimmy's hands, grasping them tightly.

"Why don't we just lay here together? Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Umm," Jimmy stalled thinking of a reply. _Distract him. Do something! _Jimmy shot his hand forward and grabbed Thomas through his pajama bottoms. "Wouldn't this be nicer?"

Thomas groaned and tensed, Jimmy thought for a moment that he was still going to protest, but instead Thomas pulled him forward into another kiss, this one harder and sloppier than the others.

Somehow in a tangle of limbs, Jimmy found himself on top of Thomas who had sunk back on onto the mattress. Jimmy could feel Thomas's erection pressing against his abdomen. Instead of flinching away, Jimmy pressed his hips down. The reaction from Thomas was immediate. _Whoa. _So Jimmy did it again.

Suddenly, it was too hot in the small room. Reluctantly, Jimmy broke contact. He sat up on his knees and pulled his shirt up over his head. He didn't really realize what exactly he was doing until Thomas sat up just enough to pull off his own shirt. _Stop being ridiculous. He's seen your cock. Your chest shouldn't really matter at this point._

Thomas ran his fingers down Jimmy's chest causing the muscles in his abdomen to flex involuntarily. Jimmy almost giggled. "Ticklish?" Thomas whispered. Without waiting for an answer, he wrapped his arms around Jimmy, bringing their bare chests together. _He's so warm. This is nice._

Jimmy experimentally moved his hips again and elicited the same glorious sound from Thomas. It was essentially a whimper as Thomas struggled to stay quiet, but Jimmy could tell that he really wanted to cry out. He wished he could. Jimmy wanted to hear the full sounds threating to crawl their way out of Thomas's throat. Jimmy could only imagine how erotic they would sound.

Jimmy kept pressing himself down onto Thomas again and again until both men were rutting against each other with abandon, kissing any part of the other's skin their lips could find.

Jimmy sneaked his hand between them and grabbed Thomas's erection again, but this time, Jimmy worked his hand under the pajama fabric. Thomas was warm and solid in his hand. _Damn it. I think he's bigger than me. _Jimmy moved is hand in a familiar motion; however, the new angle made it slow going at first.

Thomas didn't seem to mind. He kissed at Jimmy's neck only stopping to groan appreciatively, stifling the sound against Jimmy's skin.

Once Jimmy got the hang of the motion, he sped up. Thomas gave up trying to do anything more and let his head fall back against his pillow. _I must be pretty good at this. Not that much different from doing it to myself, I guess._

After a few more strokes, Thomas completely came undone. Frantically, Thomas grabbed his discarded shirt and covered himself to catch the mess. Jimmy climbed off of Thomas and slumped on the bed beside him.

Jimmy gazed wide eyed at the sight before him. _He's actually kind of beautiful when he isn't so… so… tight laced. _Jimmy relaxed, assuming the moment was over, but as soon as Thomas's breathing settled, he was upon Jimmy again. Except this time, it was Jimmy pinned to the bed.

Thomas planted a kiss on Jimmy's jaw, then the hollow of his throat, collar bone, and chest until he reached the fabric of his pajamas. Thomas hooked his fingers under the band then looked up at Jimmy. _Jesus Christ! That look. _ Jimmy gulped, hoping, praying for Thomas to continue.

Thomas gently pulled the fabric down letting Jimmy's erection spring free. He grasped Jimmy's hips, and first trailed is tongue along Jimmy's hip bone. Jimmy squirmed beneath him. _Please, please, please! _ Finally, Thomas put him out of his misery and took Jimmy in his mouth. _He has lovely lips. _This was Jimmy's last coherent thought before all he knew was the wet, warmth that was Thomas's mouth.

Jimmy tried to restrain his hips and his cries, but he feared he was doing a poor job, especially when Thomas raised his head stopping the activity and clasped his gloved hand over the younger man's mouth. Thomas finished Jimmy with a few vigorous pumps of his other hand. Jimmy groaned against Thomas's hand before he roughly pushed it aside and gasped for air. Thomas allowed his hand to be moved, seeing the main event had passed.

"Here use this. It's already dirty," Thomas said handing his soiled shirt to Jimmy who cleaned himself as quick as could. _He had to put his hand over my mouth. How embarrassing. Well, it's his own damn fault with that mouth._

Jimmy got off the bed and pulled his pajamas back on. He started looking for his shirt until Thomas spoke from the bed.

"I know you should go back your room, but will you stay for a while?" he asked.

Jimmy spotted his shirt and snatched it up. He pulled it over his head, feeling a little exposed in the wake of Thomas's request.

"I'm just going to head back to my room," Jimmy said, trying to sound casual.

"That's it?"

"I don't know what you mean," Jimmy responded. _How daft are you? You think he'll drop it that easy?_

"I don't even get an explanation, a halfhearted excuse, a fake yawn? If you don't want to stay, you can say so," Thomas said, angrily, getting of the bed into a standing position.

"I'm trying to be your friend, but I don't want all this," Jimmy stressed, motioning vaguely with his hands. "I told you I couldn't give you what you want."

"By 'this' I'm assuming you don't mean my mouth on your prick, and by "what I want." you must mean an ounce of fucking companionship," Thomas shot back.

Jimmy blanched. _Oh no._

"You say you don't want 'this,' and you know my feelings, but here you are," Thomas ranted. "Yet, you refuse to _be _with me?"

"Why do you always have to be so dramatic?" Jimmy said, finding his voice. "Why can't we just have a bit of fun?"

Thomas dropped back down onto his bed, his head in his hands, blocking his face. _That was not right thing to say._ Jimmy had the horrid feeling that Thomas might be on the verge of tears. Before Jimmy could panic, Thomas snapped his head up, and the look on his face was miles away from tears. He looked irate, his mouth in a tight line, the muscles of his jaw straining, his eyes dark and piercing. _Oh shit._

"This. Is. Over." Thomas ground out.

"Over?" Jimmy squeaked. _What? No, no, no._

"You heard me."

"So we aren't even friends?" Jimmy tried. Even to his ears, it sounded pathetic and lame.

"No, we are not friends. I am your superior at your place of employment. Nothing more," Thomas replied sternly.

"Thomas…" Jimmy managed to get out around the lump forming in his throat.

"Mr. Barrow," Tomas cruelly corrected. "I can't pretend. For me, it is all or nothing. I can't entertain your silly whims any longer. If you aren't 'my sort,' then find go find some girl for your fun."

"I don't know…" Jimmy stuttered. _Come on, Jimmy. Do something!_

"Do you really not know? I feel like the answer should be glaringly obvious considering the last week," Thomas said a note of hysteria entering his voice.

"Stop trying to force this on me," Jimmy cried back, feeling his heart racing in his chest. Thomas's demeanor changed instantly. It was if all the air was sucked out of him. Jimmy felt a pang in his chest. _What the hell are you doing?_

"Just get out," Thomas whispered. Jimmy glanced helplessly around the room, trying to think of anything to say or do to rectify the situation.

"Just get out… please," Thomas said again in a voice that sounded almost painful.

At a loss for what else to do, Jimmy turned and left. As he fled to his room, he felt hot tears sting his eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: In which, the author found out there is no male equivalent for the word slut.

Thomas threw himself into his work the next day so as not to think about the previous night or Jimmy or anything at all really. He was so successful in his endeavor that Carson even offered a stiff compliment about Thomas's diligence and work ethic.

As Thomas moved from task to task, he even managed to avoid Jimmy. His luck eventually ran out in an upstairs hallway. He had just taken a telegram to Lord Grantham as Jimmy finished up serving tea to Lady Grantham and the Dowager Countess. Thomas considered ignoring him entirely but decided against it. When he was about two feet away he stopped. Jimmy stopped too. They held each other's gaze locked in a silent battle. Jimmy looked away first.

"James," Thomas said coldly by way of greeting post staring contest.

"I told you, you should call me Jimmy," Jimmy said earnestly. _Oh, have I hurt your feelings? Good._

"I am aware of that. It was because we were trying to be friends, but we aren't friends now, are we?" Thomas asked. Jimmy frowned but didn't respond. "You had your fun. Now let me be."

Thomas attempted to brush past Jimmy and continue down the hall, but Jimmy shot his hand out and grabbed Thomas by the arm.

"Please, don't," Jimmy begged. Thomas jerked his arm out the other man's grasp.

"No, I refuse to be your slut," Thomas whispered in a dangerous voice.

The way Jimmy's face crumpled at his words was almost enough for Thomas to take them back but not quite. Jimmy wasn't getting off that easy, not this time. _I've got more self-respect than that. _

Thomas turned his back on the footman and strode away. In his haste to put distance between himself and Jimmy, when Thomas rounded the corner, he almost collided with Alfred who didn't appear to be going anywhere, only moping around. _Could this day get any worse?_

"If you don't have any work to do, I assure you I can find you some," Thomas said disdainfully.

"Yes, Mr. Barrow," Alfred grumbled eyeing him warily. Thomas could tell Alfred wanted to say more, but rightly he kept his mouth shut and trudged away. _Good choice._

…..

Thomas found himself downstairs in the servants' hall with nothing left on his to do list. He even considered asking Mr. Carson if he needed anything done, but he wasn't quite that desperate yet. Thomas decided to spruce up his own uniform before dinner, not that it really needed it. Thomas prided himself on his immaculate presentation, but you could never look too nice. He retrieved a clothes brush and stripped off his jacket. He hung it over the back of a chair.

Although his intentions had been to work away all thoughts of Jimmy, brushing a jacket did not require enough attention to keep his mind from wandering. As he worked, his mind as usual turned to the footman. At first, all Thomas knew was the same sickening rage he felt last night. The repetitive rhythm of moving the brush down the fabric, picking it up, then sweeping it down again helped to dissipate his anger.

_Perhaps, I was too harsh. Jimmy's having a hard time sorting things out. I need to be more patient. He's young, arrogant, confused, beautiful…_

_But I have to stop the physical side. He's not ready. _

_And, I can't bear it. _

_Nothing more until he can properly talk about it all._

_This will be terrible. I must control myself. He certainly can't keep himself in line. It's up to me. _

_It's the decent thing to do. It's the right thing to do. _

"Careful, Mr. Barrow. If you brush that jacket any longer you'll wear a hole in it," Anna said placing her hand gently on top of his to stop the action.

Thomas hadn't even noticed her approach. He cleared his throat. "Hmm, yes," he mumbled, sheepishly placing the brush on the table.

"Is something the matter?" Anna asked. _Why does she always insist on being so kind? _

"No, why would there be?" Thomas asked as he took his jacket off the chair and put it back on.

"Oh, I don't know, but James seemed very down today, too," she said casually.

"I hadn't noticed," Thomas lied, pulling out the chair and sitting down. Anna gave him a knowing look as she joined him at the table. _Can't ever keep a damn secret in this house. Even when people don't know, they __**know.**_

"Everyone has been saying how much more agreeable you've been recently," she said, dropping the topic of Jimmy but moving to another uncomfortable subject.

"Glad to know everyone has an opinion on me," Thomas responded.

"Please, don't be insulted. I didn't mean it that way. I would just hate for something to have you out of sorts again," Anna amended.

"Thank you for your concern," Thomas drawled as he pulled out a cigarette. Anna crossed her arms and smiled, unfazed by his sarcasm.

"You are gentler than you allow people to believe," she accused. Thomas lit his cigarette and took a drag.

"I don't know what you are on about," Thomas said emitting a stream of smoke.  
"Mr. Bates and I think we've worked out what happened at the fair."

"Do you? I was walking home and was robbed. That's all." Thomas nonchalantly flicked a bit of ash into the tray.

"If you insist," Anna responded, obviously unconvinced. Thomas watched her, thinking she would say more or leave. She did neither.

"Why did your husband help me when…," Thomas let the question trail off. Although it had been nagging him for some time, he didn't know how to finish it. Anna leaned back in her chair considering the question thoughtfully.

"You don't have to get along with every member of your family, but they are family all the same," she finally answered.

"I'm not your family."

"Downton is my family," she said simply. "Now, if you'll excuse me, it will be time to dress the ladies for dinner soon."

Thomas sighed as he put out his cigarette. _This is one hell of a family._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: In which, Jimmy peeks out of the closet.

Jimmy went to bed immediately after serving dinner. He excused himself from the staff dinner saying he didn't feel well. In reality, he just could not sit at the same table with Thomas. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He rolled onto one side then the other.

As he flopped back onto his right side he spotted a little book on his dresser. _Thomas's book! _ Jimmy jumped out of bed, crossed the room, and retrieved the book of Shakespeare's sonnets.

At first he only sat with it in his hands, running a finger up and down the worn spine. _Thomas was the last person to touch this before me._

Jimmy began to idly flip through the pages. He noticed one dog eared page. The book fell open to the page easily. _Must be a favorite._

Jimmy scanned the sonnet, immediately recognizing the first line, "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

_I remember this one. How does the rest of it go? _

_Oh that's right. This one's lovely. _

_You would really have to be in love to write something like this._

Jimmy went on to the next sonnet and then the next before he knew it he was absorbed.

_Wait. What's going on here?_

Phrases he never noticed before now began to jump out at him such as "my lovely boy" and "man right fair."

Jimmy snapped his head up from the pages. He stared dumbly at the wall across from him not really seeing it. He chewed on his bottom lip. The book felt heavier in his hands or maybe he was just more aware of the weight of it.

_Are these addressed to a man?_

Jimmy turned his attention back to the book and desperately turned the pages until he reached the dog eared page again. In a rare moment of utter clarity, Jimmy couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry so he did nothing, frozen by his realization.

_Thomas gave this to me on purpose! _

_I've really fucked up this time._

…..

Jimmy spent the better part of the night reading through every sonnet again, clutching the book to his chest. Sitting at the servant's table the next morning, he rubbed his eyes and propped his head up on his hand, elbow on the table.

"What's wrong with you?" Alfred asked. Jimmy and Alfred had finished their morning sweep of upstairs, collecting glasses and whatnot. The maids were busy cleaning or dressing the ladies. Bates was with Lord Grantham. Carson and Thomas were going over something in the butler's office. Mrs. Hughes was checking on the maids' cleaning progress. The kitchen was busy preparing breakfast, and God only knew where Mr. Mosley was, so that just left Jimmy and Alfred in the servants' hall.

"Nothing that concerns you," Jimmy grumbled hatefully. He fingered the handle of the tea cup in front of him. He didn't feel like dealing with Alfred. He needed to figure out what to do about Thomas.

Alfred looked around then leaned forward his expression concerned. It actually shocked Jimmy a bit, especially considering how rude he had just been to Alfred.

"I heard you and Mr. Barrow in the hall upstairs yesterday."

"You what?" Jimmy said unable to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Well, I didn't hear it all, but I could tell he was giving you trouble. If he's bothering you again, you should tell Mr. Carson."

"It's not like that," Jimmy said. Alfred looked unconvinced.

_Sod it all! If Shakespeare can write a whole book of sonnets for the world to read, I can tell Alfred._

"He is upset with me," Jimmy clarified. Seeing Alfred about to protest, Jimmy pushed forward. "And, he should be."

Alfred's expression turned to one of confusion. "Why should he be?" Jimmy ignored his question and instead answered with one of his own.

"Can I trust you?"

"Of course you can. We're best mates," Alfred said confidently. Jimmy felt a new wave of guilt wash over him. _He thinks we are best mates. I really am a rotten person. _

"You won't feel the same way after I tell you this," Jimmy said, actually regretting the thought of losing Alfred's friendship even though he had only just discovered he possessed it.

"It can't be as bad as all that," Alfred said, reassuringly.

Jimmy removed his hands from the table and clutched them in his lap to stop them from shaking. _Come on just say it._

"I think I might be like Mr. Barrow," Jimmy forced himself to say before he lost his nerve.

Alfred's jaw dropped open. However, Jimmy didn't see the disgust or hate he had expected to find there. Instead, he just saw shock and confusion.

"So you fancy men now?" Alfred asked, still unrecovered from Jimmy's confession.

"No!" Jimmy practically shouted. Then he glanced around the hall. They were still alone.

"I mean maybe. I still don't know. I'm not sure if I fancy men or just him," Jimmy admitted. "That's beside the point. Now, Thomas, er, Mr. Barrow is mad at me because we've been…" Jimmy nervously glanced at Alfred hoping he would catch his meaning. Alfred's eyes grew wide.

"I don't need any details," he said quickly, looking very pale.

"Sorry. The long and short of it is he's mad at me, and he has good reason to be," Jimmy concluded. "I don't know what to do."

He stopped talking and watched Alfred's expressions change as he waged a mental battle. At first Alfred still appeared shocked, and then his mouth closed forming a thin line. His eyes hardened, and Jimmy suffered a moment of panic where he considered telling Alfred it was all just a joke. However, Alfred's expression shifted again into a more resigned but nowhere near as menacing look.

"I don't have much experience with anything like this," he said slowly, "and I won't pretend it doesn't make me uncomfortable." At this point, Alfred shot Jimmy a look before adding, "But, I think you just need to talk to him. You know. Tell him how you feel and all that."

It was Jimmy's turn to be shocked. He shook his head, flabbergasted.

"Wait, you're offering me advice? That's it? You don't want to report me to the police or tell Mr. Carson?" Jimmy asked. Alfred grunted and crossed his arms.

"No, I'm not going to report you. You're still my best mate," he said still looking rather upset. In a moment of madness Jimmy, almost jumped forward to hug him, but he thought better of it.

_Don't want to frighten him too much. Or give him any ideas. Ugg._

"I still think it's unnatural and disgusting, no mistake," Alfred continued then a smirk played at his lips. Fearing an insult coming, Jimmy steeled himself.

"But, if you're with Mr. Barrow, I might have a real chance with Ivy."

"You can't tell Ivy! You can't tell anyone!"_ Ivy? Good lord, I tell him I fancy a man and still all he can think about is Ivy._

"Stop carrying on. I won't tell Ivy exactly, but I will tell her you've found someone. Could you maybe say something so she believes it? Just a hint or something?"

_He's cleverer than he looks. I've underestimated him._

"I think I can manage," Jimmy said laughing in relief at the success of the conversation. _But first I have to talk with Thomas._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: In which, one of Thomas's plans is actually successful.

After spending another day successfully (for the most part) avoiding Jimmy and his own thoughts, the soft knock on Thomas's door that night came as a surprise.

Thomas's avoidance of Jimmy had been an intentional plan. He hoped that it would spur the footman into coming to him, but Thomas hadn't dared to dream it would only take two days. He wanted to apologize to Jimmy for being so harsh; however, he needed to know Jimmy was ready to talk. If he wasn't ready to talk, there wasn't any way this could be resolved.

Thomas opened his bedroom door. Jimmy stood on the other side still in his footman uniform.

"Can I come in?" Jimmy whispered.

Thomas stepped to the side, and Jimmy entered the room. Once he reached the center of the room, he turned back to Thomas who had just finished carefully closing the door.

Thomas waited for Jimmy to speak. _You came here. You'll go first. _

Jimmy cleared his throat. "Have you been avoiding me?"

"Perceptive aren't you," Thomas scoffed but then internally scolded himself. _Easy now. Did you expect the first thing about of his mouth to be an apology and declaration of love?_

"I knew you were desperate when you asked Mr. Mosley to smoke with you so I couldn't catch you alone after lunch," Jimmy struggled to hide his grin. "I did enjoy seeing the look on his face."

"That was almost worth enduring his company," Thomas said. After a moment of silence, he added, "you are the one who skipped dinner yesterday."

"All right, I avoided you too," Jimmy admitted. "Do you want to know what I did instead of going to dinner?"

"Since you brought it up, I suppose I do," Thomas said. _Where is he going with this?_

"I read the sonnets you gave me," Jimmy explained, "the Shakespeare ones."

"I assumed those where the ones you meant," Thomas said evenly. Jimmy glanced around nervously, a flush creeping into his cheeks.

"Am I your man right fair?" he asked quietly.

Thomas sighed and smiled slightly.

_How can I stay mad at you when you ask things like that?_

"I suppose you are, but I know it makes you uncomfortable."

Jimmy sat on Thomas's bed and dropped his head in his hands. "I'm starting to think I'm being stupid," he said. Thomas joined him on the bed.

"Only now?" Thomas teased.

Jimmy laughed a little and looked sideways at Thomas, peaking through his fingers. "For what it's worth," he said. "I like being your man right fair, even if it's hard for me to admit it."

Thomas had to suppress the lunatic grin that threatened to overwhelm his face.

"That's worth a lot, at least to me," he responded.

"It's odd, you know?" Jimmy said lifting his head and dropping his hands to grip the edge of the mattress. "I spent my whole life thinking one thing about myself, but recently I've realized I must not know myself very well at all."

"Now that you know more, do you like yourself?" Thomas asked, a little weary of the answer.

"In time, I think I will." Jimmy looked solemn for a moment as if contemplating this time in the future, but soon a bright smile replaced his serious mood. "It's pretty difficult not to like me. You're a testament to that." He bumped his shoulder into Thomas's.

_I can't keep track of his emotions, and he really is such a flirt._

"I thought you believed most of the staff hates you or at least prefers Alfred?" Thomas raised an eyebrow. Jimmy scowled looking like a petulant child.

"I'll never work that one out," he said. "Speaking of Alfred, I told him."

_What?_

"You told him what exactly?" Thomas asked trying not to overreact until Jimmy provided further explanation. _Surely he's talking about something else.  
_Jimmy scooted closer on the bed pressing himself against Thomas. "I told him I might fancy you," Jimmy said, eyes twinkling.

Thomas was torn between two extreme emotions. Part of him felt like he might burst. He was sure he had never heard such beautiful words.

_I might fancy you. He's put Shakespeare to shame._

The other part of him felt an extreme sense of panic.

"Jimmy, you can't tell people!" Thomas urged. He shifted on the bed, bending a knee and pulling the leg closest to Jimmy up on the mattress. He needed to look Jimmy straight on to convey his seriousness.

"It's only Alfred," Jimmy said dismissively.

Thomas cut across him, "He reported me to the police."

"That crazy bat was in his ear telling him to do it," Jimmy said with a wave of his hand. He shifted on the bed mimicking Thomas position. "Besides, even after I told him he said we were best mates."

Thomas had opened his mouth to scold Jimmy further, but he abruptly changed course. "Since when?" he asked incredulously. "Since when are you two best mates?"

Jimmy scowled again. "Since, well, since this morning when he said we are," he explained lamely.

"I see," Thomas said, "Sounds like a strong friendship, but Jimmy, you can't tell people."

"I know. I do, but I needed to talk to someone." Jimmy suddenly became very preoccupied with his own hands.

Thomas felt a stab of pain. He placed a hand on Jimmy's knee.

"You can talk to me."

Instead of talking, Jimmy reached for Thomas's gloved hand and pulled it into his lap. He ran his fingers over the seams.

_What's he doing?_

Cautiously, Jimmy began to pull the glove off Thomas's hand, gauging his reaction. Thomas tensed but didn't pull away. Jimmy ran his hand over the scars under the last two fingers.

"Does it hurt?" he whispered.

"No, almost the opposite actually, I've lost most feeling in it. Sometimes it tingles, but that's about it. I know you are touching me, but I can't properly feel it," Thomas explained still not understanding Jimmy's intent.

_How come whenever we should be talking about him we end up talking about me?_

"That's interesting," Jimmy mused.

"Do you mean in a more than medical way?"

Jimmy stopped tracing the scars, looking up but not letting go of Thomas's hand. "Shakespeare liked metaphors, didn't he?" Jimmy said cocking his head to the side. "I think I'm like your hand."

_You are nothing like it. You are unmarred, perfect. You don't have to be hidden away so as not to disgust anyone._

"How are you like my hand?" Thomas asked confused.

"I know you've been touching me, and not just like _that, _emotionally or something, but I can't properly feel it," Jimmy said, biting his lip. "At least not without feeling nervous and guilty and disgusting and… and," Jimmy broke off.

_Oh! He's talking, finally._

Thomas leaned forward and clasped both Jimmy's hands in his. "I doubt my hand will ever get better, but hopefully, that's where the metaphor ends," Thomas answered.

Jimmy leaned forward, resting his forehead against Thomas's. Thomas unthreaded his good hand from Jimmy's and placed it gently on the back of Jimmy's neck. "Listen to me. You are not disgusting. Far from it."

Jimmy squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath.

"I'm scared," he choked out.

"I know. I'm sorry. I should have respected that more," Thomas said quietly.

"I shouldn't have been such an arse," Jimmy managed with a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

"You forget who you are talking to," Thomas said echoing a similar sentiment.

Jimmy laughed more easily this time and sat back slightly. He sniffed and wiped his hands roughly under his eyes. "Well, that is enough of that," he said. "Now, kiss me."

Even with puffy eyes and a red nose, Thomas knew Jimmy Kent was the most beautiful man he ever laid eyes on. _And he might fancy me._

"Gladly," Thomas replied, returning the smile before he brought their lips together.

**Author's Note**: Next chapter will have less talking and more doing. If you catch my drift…


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: In which, male on male is difficult to write because of the limitations of pronouns.

Jimmy couldn't remember the last time he had been in such good spirits. He spent every stolen moment he could with Thomas—kissing, touching, rutting, gasping, and surprisingly, even talking. Thomas often warned that they needed to be more careful, especially after things got a little out of hand during a walk on the grounds. Jimmy always promised to be careful before finding a way to thoroughly distract Thomas from his trepidation.

Even though Jimmy truly hated work of any sort, he didn't even mind when at breakfast one morning Carson asked him and Alfred to polish all the silver in preparation for guests.

Instead of pulling a face, he replied with a hearty, "Yes, Mr. Carson."

At first Carson looked shocked by Jimmy's enthusiasm, but he recovered quickly saying, "That is the kind of spirit I like to see, James."

Under the table, Jimmy felt Thomas's knee knock against his own, but it only added to his pleasant mood.

"Just so everyone is informed," Carson continued. "We are expecting a visit from Lord and Lady Flintshire. After their departure, their daughter, Lady Rose, will be staying for the foreseeable future.

"Why is she coming here?" Alfred asked with a mouthful of toast.

"Not that it is any concern of yours," Carson scolded, "but the family thought it would do Lady Mary some good to see some new faces."

"And to keep Lady Rose out of trouble," Thomas whispered to Jimmy.

"All of this means a few extra responsibilities and as always we must strive to uphold the honor of Downton," Carson concluded.

"Why does Mr. Carson always sound like he's prepping us for battle?" Jimmy joked to Thomas. The scratching of chairs being pushed back as everyone left to get begin their extra responsibilities covered Jimmy's remark.

Thomas rolled his eyes as he too stood from the table. He quickly squeezed Jimmy's shoulder before going about his duties.

Jimmy watched Thomas leave the servants' hall.

_Hopefully, he has some time to spare this afternoon. We haven't been to the wine cellar for a while…_

Before his thoughts could run too wild, the sound of the plates being removed from the table brought Jimmy back to the present. Ivy loaded a tray with the empty plates and cups. Without a word to Jimmy, she turned to carry it to the kitchen.

_Is she really still upset? That tiff was weeks ago. _

Jimmy got up from the table intending to get to work then he remembered.

_I still owe Alfred._

With a sigh of annoyance, Jimmy followed Ivy into the kitchen. She stood at the sink taking pieces from the tray and dropping them in the sink. Jimmy leaned back against the counter.

"Are you still sore at me?" he asked. Ivy only glared at him.

"Come on, Ivy," he said cheerfully. "You can't stay mad at me forever." Jimmy flashed what he knew was his best smile. That did it. Ivy's composure broke. She shyly smiled back.

"No, I suppose I can't," she relented, blushing.

"That's a good girl. I would hate to think you are upset with me," he said. Ivy put the last cup in the sink and wiped her hands on her apron.

"I don't know if you've heard but there's a new picture show," Ivy started, but Jimmy cut across her. _Jesus, this girl won't give up._

"Have I told you yet I've got me a sweetheart?" he asked, pretending that she wasn't just about to ask him out with her again.

"What? Who?" Ivy asked, bewildered.

_Damn it. I hadn't thought this far ahead. Alfred, you big oaf, you better appreciate this._

"Oh, umm," Jimmy stuttered casting about for something to say. Luckily, Daisy swooped in just in time.

"What are you standing around for? There's more plates in the hall that need washing," she scolded Ivy.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Jimmy hastily exited the kitchen. Finding Alfred in the hall, Jimmy stopped him.

"I've just told Ivy I've got a sweetheart. I think now's your time."

"Really? Thanks!" Alfred began to move toward the kitchen, but Jimmy grabbed his shoulder.

"I didn't mean right now." Jimmy forced himself not to roll his eyes. "Wait until later tonight when she isn't busy. She mentioned wanting to see a picture show. Ask her to that," Jimmy instructed. _He needs all the help he can get._

Alfred nodded enthusiastically. "You're right! Perfect. Thanks, Jimmy," he said, beaming.

"Now, come on. We've got silver to polish, remember?" Jimmy said clapping him on the back.

…..

Much to Jimmy's disappointment Thomas couldn't spare the time during the day to sneak down to the wine cellar, but Jimmy's mood improved quickly as he came up with a different plan.

Actually, it was a plan Jimmy had been working on for some time, and now, he had what he needed so why wait any longer?

Later that night, after wasting the necessary amount of time to assure everyone else was asleep, Jimmy snuck down the hall to Thomas's room.

He entered without knocking and found Thomas already asleep, passed out on top of the covers still in his uniform.

_Time for some fun._

Jimmy snuck over and carefully sat on the bed. He leaned over Thomas's sleeping form and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Thomas startled awake, pushing Jimmy back in the process. He sat up wild-eyed with the hair at the back of his head sticking up at odd angles.

"What… What's going on?"

Jimmy laughed at his reaction. Realizing Jimmy's presence, Thomas grumpily narrowed his eyes.

"See it's not the most pleasant way to wake up, is it?" Jimmy teased.

"That's not funny," Thomas grumbled.

"What are you doing asleep anyway? Don't you want to see me?" Jimmy asked putting on an exaggerated pout.

"Of course, I want to see you, but I've got to sleep at some point," Thomas sighed as he lifted a hand to smooth down his hair.

"I've brought you something," Jimmy said without further preamble. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little jar and handed it to Thomas.

"What's this?" Thomas asked as he took the jar. He looked down at the label. "Oh!"

_Good. He gets it._

"You said this would make it easier last time," Jimmy grinned.

"How did you get this?" Thomas asked, looking back up at Jimmy. "You haven't been to town recently, have you?"

"No. I, um, I asked Daisy to pick it up for me the last time she went to visit Mr. Mason."

"You asked Daisy?" Thomas asked aghast, almost dropping the jar.

_Calm down!_

"It's not like she knows what it's for! I told her it's for when I nick myself shaving, which isn't a lie. At least, not exactly. You can use it for that."

"I can't believe you brought Daisy into this," Thomas accused. "It's Daisy!"

_Great, now I'm going to be thinking about Daisy the whole time. _  
"Well, when you say it like that, you make me feel bad," Jimmy said with an exasperated sigh.

Thomas laughed, placing the jar beside him on the mattress and wrapping his arms around Jimmy. He brought a hand to Jimmy's face and brushed his fingers along his cheek. "Do you know how you look when you're flustered?"

Jimmy grinned. "No, how do I look?"

"Delicious," Thomas whispered. All thoughts of Daisy or anything other than the man in front of him, flew from Jimmy's mind at the sound of Thomas's husky tone.

Pretty soon all their clothes were in a sloppy pile on the floor. They lay on their sides face to face. Jimmy muffling his groans in the crook of Thomas's neck as Thomas grasped both their erections with one hand.

The heat of Thomas's erection and the press of his hand against Jimmy's own cock was almost too much. He squirmed a little to alleviate the onslaught of sensations. He felt something cool and hard against his back. Jimmy groped behind him and found the jar of petroleum jelly.

"Stop," Jimmy gasped.

Thomas abruptly stilled his hand and sat up with Jimmy following suite.

"What's wrong?"

"If you keep doing that we won't be able to do this," Jimmy said thrusting the jar into Thomas's hand. Thomas looked down at the jar and back up at Jimmy. He bit his lip, hesitating for a moment.

"Are you sure?" he finally asked.

_Of bloody course I'm sure! _

"Yes. Just tell me what to do," Jimmy responded.

Thomas pushed lightly on Jimmy's shoulders. "Lie back," he instructed.

Jimmy glanced sideways, nervously.

"It'll be easiest for you this way. You won't be so tense," Thomas explained as he reached for his pillow.

"I don't get to use the pillow?" Jimmy asked as he lay back on the mattress.

"Yes, just not for your head. Lift your hips up," he said.

Jimmy obeyed and Thomas slid the pillow under him. Jimmy couldn't help but feel awkward with Thomas kneeling between his legs and his own hips up at an odd angle. It was disorienting to be on a bed without his head being the highest point.

"Bend your knees," Thomas said putting his hand on Jimmy's shins. Jimmy brought his knees up, suddenly feeling very exposed. As if Thomas could read his mind he added, "Let me know if you are uncomfortable. We can stop at any time."

Jimmy nodded not trusting himself to speak.

Thomas unscrewed the lid of the jar and scooped some of the jelly out with his fingers. "I'm going to touch you now," he whispered.

Although a part of Jimmy didn't want a verbal play by play, the sound of Thomas's voice helped him relax. He gripped the edges of the pillow for something to steady his shaky hands.

Thomas probed at Jimmy's entrance. Jimmy gasped when he first felt Thomas's finger slip inside him. When Thomas curled his finger upward, Jimmy groaned and arched his back trying to press himself down on Thomas's hand.

"Shhh," Thomas quieted him, placing his free hand on Jimmy hip. Thomas rubbed the pad of his thumb in a circle motion over Jimmy hipbone. The repetitive motion helped Jimmy relax further as Thomas slipped another finger inside him and began to work at opening him up.

_Didn't expect it to feel this good._

Sooner than Jimmy would have liked, Thomas removed his hand and reached for the jar again. He then began to apply the jelly to his erection.

"Can I do that?" Jimmy asked tentatively, sitting up slightly.

Thomas offered him the open jar. Jimmy scooped out some of the contents then grasped Thomas's erection. Thomas groaned appreciatively and let Jimmy stroke him several times before bending down to kiss the younger man.

"Lie back again," he instructed. Thomas nudged Jimmy's legs up higher and grasped himself, leading his erection to Jimmy's entrance.

Jimmy focused on breathing. It felt like all his nerve endings were focused on that one part of his anatomy.

_Breathe in. Breathe out._

He felt Thomas press against him. He looked up at Thomas. His expression was one of total concentration.

_How is he so composed? If I was about to be inside someone…_

When Thomas did slowly ease himself inside, the burning and tearing sensation Jimmy felt during the first failed attempt was basically nonexistent.

Jimmy lifted his head to stare down to where they were now connected. Thomas pulled back a little, and Jimmy groaned at the loss of contact.

_He does know what he's doing. Oh. Oh!_

When Thomas thrust into him again, Jimmy dropped his head back to the mattress and whimpered. All coherent thought gone as Thomas rocked his hips back and forth.

Jimmy tried to match the rhythm with his own hips, but he gave up after only a few tries, content to let Thomas do all the work and just enjoy the new sensations.

When Jimmy thought he couldn't handle much more, Thomas curled his fingers around Jimmy's cock and pumped vigorously matching the pace of his trusts.

And, that was Jimmy's undoing.

With a guttural groan, Thomas followed a few moments later.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: In which, Thomas gets emotional post coitus.

Thomas lay on his back with an arm thrown over his eyes. "Someone had to have heard us," he said.

_The whole house probably heard us, but damn I think it was worth it. _

Jimmy lifted his head off Thomas's chest, bending his elbow and propping his head up on his hand. "If anyone did, they probably just assumed you were doing it to yourself."

"I think I said your name," Thomas groaned.

_Actually, I know I did right when I came in…_

"I don't think that would make a difference," Jimmy responded.

Thomas peeked from under his arm to find Jimmy smirking down at him.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Jimmy didn't answer. Instead, he lazily traced patterns along Thomas's exposed skin with his fingertips. As he trailed a path up Thomas's arm, he stopped at the burn scars.

"I know you don't like talking about these," Jimmy began.

"No, I don't," Thomas interjected.

"But, thank you for telling me about them."

"Oh," Thomas sat up and leaned back against the headboard. "Why are you thanking me?"

"I like to know things about you, especially things other people don't know." Jimmy snuggled into Thomas's side, effectively hiding his face. "It makes me feel closer to you."

Thomas hid his own smile in Jimmy's hair, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

_Guess I should tell him…_

Thomas cleared his throat a little afraid of what his voice might come out sounding like.

"I lied to you once," he whispered. Jimmy titled his head back to look at Thomas with questioning eyes. "I lied to you when you asked if I had ever been in love."

"So you haven't?"

"No, I have, but not with the duke. It was a soldier, well the first time." Thomas looked away from Jimmy's wondering eyes.

Jimmy reached up and gently cupped Thomas's cheek, turning Thomas's face back to him. "Will you tell me about him?"

"I looked after him at the village hospital. He had been wounded, blinded by mustard gas."

"But otherwise he was alright?"

"Yes. No. He was physically capable, but he felt defeated, depressed. They wanted to send him away because he was taking up space for men who actually needed it, but he needed it." Thomas could hear the urgency in his own voice even now.

Thomas shrugged away from Jimmy. He hunched over and dropped his hand in his hands.

_God dammit. I shouldn't have started talking about this. Now, I'm a fucking mess._

"What happened to him?" Jimmy asked from behind Thomas.

_Might as well keep going now._

"He ended it. Got a hold of razor or something while everyone was gone. No one found him until it was too late," Thomas said choking on the last words.

"I've never wanted to help someone so badly, but I did all I could, and it wasn't enough," Thomas gasped. He felt tears fall freely from his eyes. He tried to contain them, which only made his shoulders shake.

Thomas felt Jimmy's arms wrap around his waist. Jimmy laid his head on Thomas's shoulder.

Jimmy didn't speak at first. He only held Thomas until the shaking subsided and Thomas's breathing came more easily.

_It's so nice to just be held._

"I think you are actually a romantic, Thomas," Jimmy whispered gently. "Even though you would have everyone believe you're a cynic."

Thomas shook his head ruefully. "You're probably right." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Just don't be expecting any flowers."

Jimmy tugged at Thomas's waist, pulling him back up the bed. The two men settled back down, lying face to face.

"Thank you for telling me that too," Jimmy said.

Thomas felt the warmth of tears in his eyes again but for a different reason, a better reason.

Jimmy rubbed his nose against Thomas's. They both let out a short, breathy laugh. Thomas let his eyelids drop shut. He felt Jimmy's breath tickle his cheek, and he listened to the rhythmic sound of his own breathing.

_Who knew crying could be so tiring? And, well, other activities._

Thomas had just about fallen asleep when Jimmy spoke again.

"I do have one more question," he whispered. "Who else have you been in love with?"

"What are you on about?" Thomas said, not bothering to open his eyes, more content to hover in the fog that comes just before sleep. "I didn't mention anyone else?"

"You said that was the 'first time' you'd been in love," Jimmy explained. "Who's the second?"

At this, Thomas did open his eyes. He scanned Jimmy's face, and he was surprised to find genuine confusion there.

_He truly doesn't know after everything._

"You, you goose."

Jimmy smiled, his eyes twinkling. Thomas basked in the glow of Jimmy's grin, as smile just for him, until he realized the reality of the situation. As much as he wanted Jimmy to stay, it would be neither smart nor practical.

"You need to go back to your own room," Thomas said with a yawn. "You've got a lot of work to do tomorrow what with the guests coming."

Jimmy reluctantly slid off the bed and slowly began to redress enough to leave the happy bubble of Thomas's room.

Thomas watched Jimmy head to the door, but the footman stopped with his hand on the handle and turned back to Thomas.

"So, you've never actually been with a duke then?" Jimmy asked.

"Now I didn't say that, did I?" Thomas replied casually.

"Well aren't you saucy," Jimmy chided with a wink before slipping out of the room.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: In which, Jimmy makes a friend he doesn't want.

Jimmy stretched his arms out wincing slightly.

"What the hell do those people keep in their trunks? They travel with more stuff than I own," he complained.

Lord and Lady Flintshire and their daughter, Lady Rose, arrived at Downton the previous day. Jimmy's muscles were still recovering.

"They have to have an outfit for every occasion. With all the beading on the ladies dresses no wonder they are so heavy," Thomas answered.

"Didn't think of that," Jimmy said with a laugh. "Wearing all those heavy clothes, they should be fit enough to carry their own luggage."

Thomas dropped the cigarette he'd been smoking on the ground and stomped out the last bit of flame. He began walking back to the downstairs entrance.

"Are you coming back in?" he asked when he noticed Jimmy wasn't following.

"I think I'll stay out here just a bit longer."

"I really should scold you for slacking," Thomas threatened.

"Scold me, eh? What exactly would that include?" Jimmy asked suggestively.

Thomas ginned. "Maybe you will get to find out later." With that, he left Jimmy alone outside to consider the possibilities.

Jimmy spent a few more moments pondering what Thomas could do to punish him for his insubordination. When he had idled outside for as long as he dared, he turned to leave, but before he reached the door, a voice almost made Jimmy jumped out of his skin.

Jimmy whipped around to find Lady Rose peeping around a woodpile. He snapped to attention.

"Are you the only one around?" she whispered.

"Um, yes, Milady, do you need something?" he asked, desperately hoping she hadn't been there the whole time.

"Could I bum a cigarette?" she asked, emerging from behind the woodpile.

"I'm sorry. I don't smoke," Jimmy responded. He shook his head a little to clear his thoughts.

_What is she doing out here?_

"Excuse me, but are you lost? Do you need me to take you somewhere? I know it's a big place," he rambled.

Lady Rose's laughter interrupted Jimmy.

"No, I'm not lost, just hiding. I don't think I can stand another silent tea with Mary."

_Well, you better get used to them since you'll be here for the foreseeable future._

Jimmy didn't answer. He continued to stand awkwardly at attention, unsure of what to do.

"Oh, you must think I'm dreadful," Lady Rose said her hand fluttering to her chest in a good impression of sincerity. "I do feel bad for Mary. The whole thing is terrible, but I was hoping to spend the season in London, and now, I'm stuck here. What's your name by the way?"

_Did she even breathe? She talks so quickly. _

"It's James, Milady."

"James, you won't tell anyone I was down here will you?" she asked with a mischievous smile.

"Of course not," Jimmy responded, wishing very much that she would leave. He felt like he was doing something improper by speaking with her so casually.

"Can I come back and talk to you? My family is dreadfully boring," she said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not sure that would be proper, Milady," Jimmy responded diplomatically.

_Carson certainly wouldn't approve._

"Oh who cares about what's proper?" she said with a wave of her hand. "I'm coming back. Will you be out here tomorrow at this time?"

"I suppose I could be if you request it…"

"Well, I do, so I will see you tomorrow," she turned to leave, but then spun back around. "Oh and James, if it's not too much to ask, can you try to find a smoke for me? I'd be so grateful."

"Yes, Milady," Jimmy answered, feeling very disoriented. He gave a slight bow as she left. Once she disappeared from sight, he let out a long breath.

_What in the world have a gotten myself into?_

…..

Still feeling a little shell shocked from his earlier conversation with Lady Rose, Jimmy almost didn't realize Alfred was speaking to him as they waited for Carson to signal the start of dinner service.

"I'm sorry, Alfred. Come again?" he said. He really had been trying to be a better friend to his fellow footman, but sometimes he just bored Jimmy to death.

"I think I'm going to give up on Ivy," Alfred announced.

_Finally! Thank God._

"Why?" Jimmy asked.

"Well when I asked her out to the picture show like you said to do, she wouldn't even give me an answer. She just kept talking about your sweetheart and asking me who it was…" Alfred explained.

"You didn't tell her!" Jimmy hissed, feeling both panicky and angry.

_If he told, so help me…_

"No, I told you I wouldn't." Alfred said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

_Oh, guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions._

"As I was saying," Alfred said, annoyed by Jimmy's interruptions. "She just wanted to talk about your sweetheart. She kept saying she was going to figure it out, and she's sure you're lying. She's a bit mad, isn't she?"

Jimmy nodded in agreement.

_Starting to think all girls are mad._

"It isn't any of her business. She needs to just stay out of it," Jimmy growled.

"Right you are. So, anyway, I was thinking maybe I should ask Daisy instead," Alfred concluded.

"I think that is an excellent idea," Jimmy said encouragingly, as Mr. Carson rounded the corner telling them to pick up their first course trays.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: In which, Thomas hits a wall and just needs to sleep.

After dinner, Thomas found himself alone in the servants' hall. It seemed the extra work brought on by having multiple guests in the house pushed everyone to an early bed. Thomas kept meaning to go up himself, but he just couldn't muster the energy.

Jimmy's clandestine visits were taking their toll on Thomas. While they were absolutely fantastic, literally the stuff of dreams, Thomas wasn't getting the amount of sleep he needed to perform his duties well. The visits seemed to have the opposite effect on Jimmy. He bounced from room to room, from chore to chore, with a smile for everyone.

The sound of footsteps made Thomas jump. He looked to the doorway and found Jimmy leaning against it.

"What are you doing down here? Thought you'd went up." Thomas tried and failed to stifle a yawn.

"I did," Jimmy explained. "And then I went to your room, and you weren't there so here I am."

"Sorry, 'bout that," Thomas replied.

Jimmy sauntered over to the table, placed both hands on the wood, and leaned toward Thomas.

"Has everyone gone up?" he asked.

"It's well past midnight. Normal people are asleep at this hour," Thomas said.

Jimmy arched an eyebrow and grinned. "So we are alone then?"

"That's what I just said," Thomas replied, starting to feel irritated.

_What's he playing at? I need a proper night's sleep. _

Jimmy ran his hands over the table, caressing the wood, before looking back up at Thomas. "We could have a go right here on the table."

That cut right through Thomas's exhausted haze. He felt his trousers tighten. Explicit ideas flashed through his mind at a rapid fire pace.

Jimmy walked around the table adding a little swing to his hips.

_Is that necessary? _

Reaching Thomas's side, Jimmy pulled out a chair and sat down facing Thomas so close Jimmy's knees pressed against Thomas's leg. Even that small amount of contact felt erotic to Thomas.

_Stop it right now. You can't do anything in the servants' hall. What the hell are you thinking?_

Jimmy leaned forward and placed a hand on Thomas's thigh.

Thomas kept his eyes locked on Jimmy's.

"So, what will be it be Mr. Barrow?" Jimmy whispered as he began to slide his hand upward and inward.

Suddenly, Mr. Molesley burst into the servant's hall. His glassy eyes took note of Jimmy and Thomas.

Thomas dropped his eyes down to Jimmy's hand, and Jimmy quickly snatched it away. In his haste, Jimmy also pushed his chair back slightly causing a terrible screech as the legs scraped the floor.

Thomas felt his heartbeat in his throat. The room was deathly silent. Thomas could smell the beer on Molesley from where he sat, and it made the nauseous feeling in his stomach worse.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Breaking the tension, Molesley made a sound half between a cough and a snort, and with a wave of his hand said, "Carry on then!"

He then sloppily turned on his heel and stumbled out of the hall. The sound of his feet banging up the stairs filled the room for a moment, and after, all was quite again.

Thomas heard Jimmy exhale loudly next to him.

"Oh my God. I forgot he had the night off," Thomas said bringing a hand to his mouth.

"Don't worry. Looks like he's too squiffy to remember anything," Jimmy sniggered, leaning closer to Thomas again. Thomas didn't notice his advances.

"We have to be more careful," Thomas said, running his hand roughly though his hair.

"I know. You say that all the time. Believe me, I know," Jimmy said, the annoyance evident in his voice. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"No, you don't know, or you wouldn't be so flippant about it and make remarks about fucking in the hall," Thomas snapped.

"I wasn't being serious," Jimmy said, lifting his hands in surrender.

"You need to be more serious about us not getting caught. You don't take any precautions," Thomas said through gritted teeth.

"No one has ever caught us," Jimmy said.

Thomas could hear the exasperation in the younger man's voice, and it only irritated him more.

_Why can't he understand? This is serious._

"Yet, but what if Molesley had come back only a few seconds later or been sober?" Thomas said, attempting to show Jimmy the riskiness of their actions.

"Well didn't and he wasn't," Jimmy said

Thomas brought his hand down hard on the table.

"God damn it! That's not the point," Thomas growled. "I almost lost my job. I almost went to prison. Don't trivialize this or laugh about it. I assure you it is not funny in the least."

In the aftermath of Thomas's rage, Jimmy's bottom lip quivered slightly. "T-Thomas, I'm sorry," Jimmy said, looking shaken. He paused and swallowed then repeated, "I'm so sorry."

Thomas knew that Jimmy's sorry was more than just an apology for tonight or even for his flippancy about being caught. It was for everything, everything that had ever occurred between them.

Thomas sighed feeling himself deflate as his anger left him, leaving him feeling even more exhausted than before. The anxiety of thinking they had been found out coupled with his irritated outburst, left him completely and utterly drained.

Thomas stood from the table and looked down at Jimmy who had his head bowed, looking at the ground.

"Come on, let's go up," Thomas sighed. Emotionally and physically defeated for the night, Thomas was glad Jimmy was walking up the stairs with him. He wasn't entirely sure he could make it up all the flights.

In the men's hall Thomas, stopped by Mosley's door and listened. He could hear loud snoring coming from the other side so Thomas didn't stop Jimmy from following him to his room.

As soon as the door was closed, Thomas slumped against it. He rubbed his burning eyes.

"I don't remember the last time I was this tired. I guess in the trenches," he said. Thomas felt Jimmy's hands on his shoulders.

"Here," Jimmy said gently. "Let's get you read for bed. You need to get some sleep tonight."

Jimmy pulled Thomas's jacket off and pushed his suspenders off his shoulders. Jimmy's nimble fingers undid the buttons of Thomas's shirt, pulling that off as well.

"This must be what it feels like to have a valet," Thomas mused quietly.

"Shh," Jimmy hushed him, guiding him gently to the bed.

Thomas sat down on the mattress, and Jimmy knelt before him. He pulled off each of Thomas's shoes then stood.

Jimmy pushed gently on Thomas's shoulders for him to lie back on the bed.

After pausing to take of his own jacket, Jimmy climbed in after him. He snuggled into Thomas's side.

_He's so warm and… and… cozy. Yes, cozy. This is nice._

"Thomas," Jimmy whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Can I have one of your cigarettes?"

"Didn't know you'd taken up smoking," Thomas said drowsily.

"It's not for me it's for Lady Rose."  
"What?" Thomas's eyes slipped close.

"She asked me to find her one."

"Alright let's talk about it in the morning," Thomas mumbled.

"Can I stay here for a little while? I know I'm supposed to be more careful."

"It's all right," Thomas whispered, drifting to sleep, too tired to worry about tomorrow and too warm in Jimmy's arms to care anymore.

Thomas didn't even stir when Jimmy slipped away an hour later.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: In which, Lady Rose informs Jimmy she's a woman of the world.

Jimmy wandered up and down the downstairs halls, looking for Thomas. He finally caught him coming out the wine cellar.

"Thomas, I need to borrow a cigarette," Jimmy said without introduction.

"What for? You don't smoke." Thomas said.

"I told you last night. It's for Lady Rose," Jimmy explained.

"Lady Rose?"

"Yes, she asked me to find her one."

"You better be careful. I doubt her mother and father want her smoking," Thomas warned.

"I know, but I already told her I would find her one, so just hand one over," Jimmy said, sticking out a hand palm up.

"Pushy, pushy," Thomas scolded, reaching into his jacket for his case. He popped it open and handed one to Jimmy. "What are doing talking with Lady Rose in the first place?"

"She kind of ambushed me. She was looking to get away from her family for a bit."

"Hmm, don't really blame her for that," Thomas chuckled. "Do be careful though."

"I will," Jimmy said then grinned. "How did you sleep last night?"

Thomas returned his grin. "Fantastically, thank you."

"Glad to hear it. Do you think I have the makings of a valet then?"

"Hmm," Thomas considered. "I think you need a little more practice, but that can be arranged."

….

When Jimmy made it outside to meet Lady Rose, he was surprised to find her already waiting. He'd hoped she would forget about it or have something to do like sip tea with the Dowager Countess or read _The Sketch _with her Ladyship or whatever the hell rich women do all day.

Lady Rose eagerly took the cigarette from Jimmy and lit it with the silver lighter she clutched in her hands. She took a long drag and exhaled slowly, sending a puff of smoke heavenward.

Jimmy stood at attention, hoping she would just dismiss him but knowing he wasn't lucky enough for that.

She flicked some ash to the ground and glanced toward Jimmy.

"Do you have a special girl, James?" she asked.

"No, milady," he replied warily.

_Don't like the sound of this already._

"Really? You're quite handsome."

"Err, thank you, Milady. In service, there's not a lot of time for that sort of thing," he responded, praying it would end the conversation.

"There's always time for it," Lady Rose giggled. She puffed on her cigarette and looked Jimmy over. Her eyes widened as if she'd just solved a puzzle.

"Do you have a special boy instead?"

Jimmy's mouth dropped open, but he immediately clamped it shut.

"I don't, I don't know what you mean," Jimmy stuttered, trying to regain his composure.

_Sweet Jesus! Can people really just tell? How was this obvious to everyone except for me?_

"Oh, come on. You can tell me. I'm a woman of the world." Rose smiled mischievously. She reached out with her free hand and grasped Jimmy by the arm. Jimmy tried not to flinch away.

"Once at a club in London, I caught two men kissing while I was trying to find the powder room," she whispered conspiratorially, leaning forward to speak directly into Jimmy's ear. "What do you think of that?"

_I think you're crazy. No wonder your parents keep you on a short leash._

Jimmy tried to think of some way to rectify the situation, change the subject, or drop dead. Anything, really, would do to get him out of this conversation and away from Lady Rose.

After it became evident Jimmy was not going to reply, Lady Rose released his arm and stepped back with a frown.

"I've made you uncomfortable, haven't I?" she asked, as she dropped the butt of her cigarette to the ground.

"Well, Milady, I think it might be best if you returned to your family. The servants' area is not place for a lady," Jimmy said.

"Oh, I have made you uncomfortable. I'm very sorry. I just hoped that we could be friends," she said, her voice sounding shaky and embarrassment bringing color to her cheeks. "I'm just so bored all the time, and my mother is so hateful for trapping me here. I should be spending the season in London with suitors like other girls my age. I'm going to end up an old maid like Edith." She let out a pathetic, little sniffle.

_Shit, she's crying. Think, Jimmy. Think!_

Jimmy awkwardly reached out a hand and patted her on the shoulder.

"Don't cry, Milady. We can be friends," he said. It did the trick.

Lady Rose's face broke into a smile again.

"Good!" she exclaimed, kissing him quickly on the cheek. "I'm so glad."

Jimmy stood dumbfounded again. Lady Rose wiped her eyes and giggled.

"You must think I'm terribly silly."

"No, Milady. It's understandable that you want to have some fun in your life," Jimmy replied. Lady Rose nodded then sighed.

"I suppose I should get back to my family now. Thank you for the cigarette, James."

"You're welcome, Milady."

_How do I get myself in these situations? I swear trouble finds me._

As Jimmy made his way back inside, he almost collided with Ivy who was just standing half in and half out of the doorway holding a bucket of mop water.

"Sorry, Ivy," Jimmy said startled. "Can I help you with that?"

"No, I can manage," Ivy snapped, lugging the bucket violently past him.

Jimmy stared after her.

_Nothing to be done about her, I guess. Can't please everyone._


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: In which, Thomas gets his groove back.

Thomas took in the sight in front of him or technically below him with a triumphant smirk on his face. Thomas Barrow was good at sex. It was undeniable, but it was nice to know that he still had it, not that he had ever really doubted it.

Jimmy squirmed beneath him, lost in a lusty haze. His body was shiny with sweat. His hair was curlier than usual from a combination of perspiration and tousling.

Thomas straddled Jimmy, clasping each of the younger man's wrists with his own hands. The under butler leaned forward, his black hair falling down and tickling Jimmy's chest. Thomas trailed his tongue up Jimmy's salty skin to his neck, where he sucked lightly until he heard Jimmy whine.

"Please…".

"Please what?" Thomas asked, pulling back and sitting up again.

"You know what," Jimmy groaned, attempting to arch his hips upwards but Thomas's weight made him unsuccessful.

"Say it. Say what you want," Thomas urged as he rolled his hips back causing Jimmy's erection to press against his backside. Jimmy squirmed again.

"I want—I want to be inside you, now," Jimmy panted.

"If you insist," Thomas answered. He rose up on his knees and reached for the jar of petroleum jelly on the night stand. Jimmy watched wide-eyed and breathing erratically as Thomas used the contents of the jar to prepare himself.

Thomas made sure to put on a bit of show by tilting his head back and letting out a breathy moan as he pushed his fingers inside himself. It did feel good, but the dramatics were mostly for Jimmy's benefit. Thomas knew it worked as he heard Jimmy whimper in anticipation beneath him.

Thomas reached behind himself and grabbed Jimmy's erection with a still slick hand. He pumped once, twice, watching as Jimmy flopped his head back and forth on the pillow helplessly.

Deciding to show some mercy, Thomas sunk back slowly onto Jimmy. The older man couldn't stifle the own the groan that escaped his lips.

_Damn it. I forgot how good it feels from this side of things. _

When Thomas paused to adjust to the intrusion, Jimmy thrust his hips upward. Although Thomas was fairly certain the movement had been involuntary, he still wanted to be in control. He grasped Jimmy by the shoulders, pinning him back down on the bed, hips and all.

"No," Thomas admonished. "I like my men patient."

"Mmm, you're so…so tight," Jimmy mumbled almost incoherently.

Thomas pressed back down on Jimmy, causing another strangled gasp from the man below him.

"I'm not going to last," Jimmy managed as Thomas rolled his hips up again.

"Go ahead," Thomas encouraged.

_I didn't really expect you to last long the first time._

Thomas didn't even have time to find a decent rhythm before Jimmy came, muffling his cry with a balled up first.

Thomas rolled off of Jimmy and onto his back.

_What I wouldn't give for a normal size bed…_

Lying side by side on the thin servant's bed wasn't actually possible. Thomas's half laid on top of Jimmy, their shoulder's overlapping. When Jimmy recovered, he wriggled out from under Thomas and propped himself up on his side.

Jimmy grinned down at Thomas then his eyes wondered downward to Thomas's still prominent erection.

"Do you want me to take care of that for you?" Jimmy breathed. Thomas's eyes flew to the footman's. Jimmy licked his lips slowly.

_Oh shit._

Jimmy threw a leg over Thomas effectively straddling the brunette. He kissed his neck and chest with hot open mouth kisses and began to trail his mouth downward.

"Jimmy," Thomas whispered, lifting Jimmy's head up gently with both his hands. Jimmy looked up at Thomas. "You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to," Jimmy said a blush beginning to creep into his cheeks. "Now, stop talking about it before I change my mind."

Thomas dropped his head back and watched Jimmy's lips move down his body.

Jimmy grasped Thomas in his hand and experimentally ran his tongue up the side.

Thomas shivered. He felt silly having such an extreme reaction, but just the sight of Jimmy's lips that close to him and Jimmy's tongue actually on him was breathtaking.

Clumsily, Jimmy tried a few more things, almost gagging when he tried to take Thomas all the way in his mouth.

"Easy," Thomas soothed, brushing Jimmy's hair off his forehead for a better view. Jimmy glanced up, and Thomas saw the question in his eyes. "You're amazing, Jimmy."

Jimmy returned to the task at hand with renewed vigor after Thomas's praise.

_He's a quick learner._

Before long, Thomas found his climax as well being sure to roll away from Jimmy's mouth and spill over the side of the bed.

When Thomas returned to his senses, he looked down at the mess.

_Easier to wipe it off the floor than deal with the bed sheets I guess._

Reluctantly, Thomas pulled himself off the bed and retrieved a hand towel. He wiped it up and tossed the towel to the side. He looked up to find Jimmy still reclining naked on the bed. Thomas sat down beside him.

"Shouldn't you be putting your clothes back on?"

"Can I please stay with you tonight? I want to sleep together," Jimmy said earnestly.

"Haven't we already done that?" Thomas said lying back next to Jimmy.

Jimmy nudged Thomas's shoulder. "No. You know what I mean."

Thomas considered.

_I want him to stay, but we can't risk it. It would be so nice though. Don't I deserve it? Yes, I deserve one night. One night at least._

"You can stay," Thomas said wrapping an arm around Jimmy. "But," Thomas said, switching to what he hoped was a more authoritative tone. "You have to be out before the wakeup call comes around."

"I promise," Jimmy said with a wide smile as he settled into Thomas's side.

…..

The next morning, Thomas sat with Jimmy at breakfast mostly ignoring the conversations around him until Mr. Molesley began to speak. Thomas always had an ear for gossip, never knowing when a bit of information might come in handy.

"Lord Flintshire was in a state this morning," Mr. Molesley said at breakfast.

"What do you mean?" Jimmy asked. Mr. Molesley glanced around, presumably checking for Carson then continued. "He had a bit of row with Lady Flintshire last night so he went out into the halls for a stroll and found Lady Rose sneaking back into her bedroom."

"And he told you all this?" Jimmy asked in disbelief.

"You'd be surprised at what lords tell their valets," Thomas said before taking a sip of his tea.

Molesley nodded in agreement.

Behind Molesley, Ivy approached the table and leaned forward to place another plate of toast on the table.

"Thank you, Ivy," Molesley said, interrupting his own tale momentarily before continuing. "He was still too flustered to keep it all in. Apparently, Lady Rose won't tell where she was, and I'm guessing this isn't the first time something like this has happened."

"Did you honestly think Rose was staying at Downton for the season of her own choosing?" Thomas scoffed.

"Mr. Barrow, considering your position in this household, you should set a better example and not discuss the families' private matters," Cason boomed from the doorway.

Thomas cast an eye roll in Jimmy's direction.

"Of course, Mr. Carson."

_Well, that puts an end to any interesting breakfast conversation. _

**Author's Note: **Yes, there is a Beyoncé lyric in this fic.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 Jimmy's perspective : In which, Downton turns into a situational comedy.

As Jimmy and Alfred moved smoothly around the periphery of the room only stepping in to fill up the ladies' teacups or offer another biscuit, Carson monitored the afternoon tea from the corner. Jimmy stared down at the dainty pastries on the tray and tried to come up with a plan to knick a few. He knew he would have to wait until he was back in the kitchen, but he still found amusement in developing complicated schemes to steal them in the middle of tea time. That would be a stellar feat.

_What if I sewed a pocket inside my livery sleeve? Then I would just have to tip the tray slightly…_

Suddenly, the drawing room door banged open, and Lord Flintshire burst into the room. Jimmy almost dropped the tray he was holding. He almost dropped it again as he caught sight of Carson's flabbergasted expression. Lady Grantham let out a shocked gasp. The Dowager Countess actually looked extremely pleased with the new bit of excitement.

"Hugh!" Lady Flintshire exclaimed. Lady Rose looked like she might be ill.

"My Lord, what is the matter?" Carson asked still obviously at a loss.

Lord Flintshire ignored Carson. His eyes darted between Jimmy and Alfred. His glare was positively deadly. He waved a piece of paper in the air.

"Which one of you is James?"

"I… I am," Jimmy stuttered, completely forgetting his manners.

Before Lord Flintshire could say anything more to reveal his intentions, Lord Grantham made it into the room.

"Shrimpie, my dear fellow, please, let's not make a scene. I am sure we can resolve this without a scene in front of all the women."

"Oh, please, Robert do let him continue in front of all the women," the Dowager Countess added from her perch on the arm chair.

Lord Flintshire shot a deadly glare at Lord Grantham then rounded on Jimmy.

This time Jimmy did drop the tray as he reflexively took a quick step back to dodge the large man's advance.

Darting in front of Lord Flintshire, Lord Grantham held up his hands. "Shrimpie, please, can we not…" he began helplessly.

"Robert, you may have let Sybil carry on with the help, but I will not let my daughter do the same!" Lord Flintshire cut across him. "Especially not this one!" he added jabbing his finger toward Jimmy.

Jimmy's mind spun. _What the hell is happening? And what's the matter with me? Would he prefer Alfred? Who's carrying on with whom?_

"We shouldn't jump to conclusions," Lord Grantham said, his voice taking on a more authoritative tone.

"Rose, what is he talking about?" Lady Flinshire demanded of Lady Rose.

"I actually have no idea?" Lady Rose said. Jimmy looked to her and saw she looked as bewildered and lost as he felt.

"No idea! You've been carrying on with him for all the world to see, and here I have poof," Lord Flintshire raged, waving the piece of paper in the air again.

Lord Grantham took the opportunity to snatch the paper from him. His eyes scanned the paper quickly.

"Who gave you this?" he asked gravely.

"One of your kitchen maids was kind enough to let me know what my own daughter was up to. At least one of your employees has some good sense."

Jimmy heard Carson harrumph from the corner.

_Kitchen maid? God damn that Ivy. What the hell did she tell him? Oh, I bet she saw me outside with Lady Rose! _

Jimmy finally thought of something to say, and of course it turned out to be the wrong thing.

"Is this about the cigarette? I only gave her one I swear," he said earnestly.

"Cigarette? Smoking is the least of my worries. I'm more concerned about you trying to marry my daughter."

"Papa, please!" Lady Rose begged, her eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"I don't want to marry your daughter!" Jimmy stammered. _Opps. Wrong thing again._

"Oh so you've been leading her on with no honorable intentions?" Lady Flintshire piped up, catching on to her husband's accusations and immediately assuming the worst.

"No, Mother, you have it all wrong!"

"Keep quite, Rose!"

"No, I don't want anything to do with your daughter. I mean, not in that way. She's a nice girl and all, but…". Jimmy babbled. _Damn it. Can't I say something that doesn't make me seem like a guilty arse?_

"How do you expect me to believe this?" Lord Flitshire asked. "Robert, please, give me the letter."

At a loss for anything to do to remedy the situation, Lord Grantham handed over the letter. Lord Flinshire held out the letter and read, "My Lord, please forgive me if I speak out of turn, but I believe you should know that the footman James may be having improper relations with your daughter…."

"James has just been kind to me. That's all!" Rose shouted. "I wasn't with him last night," she added in a whisper, casting an embarrassed glance around the room at all the eyes upon her.

"She's telling you the truth! You don't believe your own daughter," Jimmy accused. _Good Lord, now I see why Lady Rose is the way she is if she has to deal with this all the time. _

"James, that's enough!" snapped Carson from the corner.

_Of course you don't believe us either._

"Robert, I trust you will deal with this immediately," Lord Flintshire demanded of Lord Grantham.

"Of course, of course," he replied giving Carson a pointed look.

"James," Carson said in his most booming voice. "I insist that you turn in your resignation at once."

_Resignation? But I haven't done anything wrong._

"But I…" Jimmy stuttered. He heard his heart beat rapidly in his ears.

"At once!"

"Yes, Mr. Carson." Jimmy whispered, feeling like he might be sick. He dashed from the room head lowered, the dropped biscuit tray left behind for Alfred or a maid to retrieve.

**Author's Note**: Sorry it's been soooo long since my last update. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I was on vacation without my computer and very limited internet access, but I am back now, and my updates should be regular again. Thank you for sticking with me! I love you all!


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